Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation，such as an unsatisfactory job or lack of money . Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations. discuss both view and give your own opinion
Many assert that accepting a bad situation,
such
as lack
of satisfaction in financial condition, is the best option a person could make, Correct article usage
a lack
while
others argue that trying and improving the situation are
better. I believe each choice has its own benefits and drawbacks. In Change the verb form
is
this
essay, I will explain both views and address my personal opinion.
On one
hand, accepting one
's bad condition is a considerable decision since plenty of effort are
needed for an individual to Correct subject-verb agreement
is
achieves
a greater quality of Wrong verb form
achieve
job
. Add an article
the job
Furthermore
, changing that big aspect of life
will cost an abundant amount of cash, time, and energy. Moreover
, there is zero guarantee for
a person to get a better Correct word choice
that
life
once they try to change their situation by starting a business or enrolling to
a high-status company. As a shred of evidence, in Jakarta, more than Change preposition
on
a
half of all start-ups established by inexperienced young adults ended up Correct article usage
apply
bankrupted
. Change the form of the verb
bankrupt
To conclude
, it is quite risky for someone to put so much effort for
the uncertainty of success.
Change preposition
into
On the other hand
, trying to improve one
's life
can create a
room for success. Investing Correct article usage
apply
one
's resources to enrich their knowledge on
a certain field will give Change preposition
in
them
a higher chance Correct pronoun usage
one
to
a Change preposition
of
life
's rectification. For instance
, investing in financial management books, such
as Rich Dad Poor Dad, The
Psychology of Money, will later help an individual to achieve their ideal income. Despite the uncertainty of trying, it will still open a new way to Correct word choice
and The
a
betterment of Correct article usage
the
one
's future.
In a nutshell, even though it is considerably risky to try and change one
's life
condition, it will still bring an opportunity to reach success. It will be a wiser choice for someone to actually try to gain a
furtherance of their Remove the article
apply
life
rather than accepting their fate the way it is.Submitted by jelitasofiaz on
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introduction conclusion present
The essay lacks a fully developed introduction and conclusion which are crucial for setting the topic context and summarizing the main points clearly. To improve, ensure that the introduction provides a clear stance on the issue, and that the conclusion succinctly recaps the essay's arguments.
logical structure
The overall logical structure of the essay is weak. Ideas seem to jump from one to the other without proper transition or logical progression. Improve this by presenting points in a more organized manner with clear paragraphing and use of cohesive devices to guide the reader smoothly from one idea to another.
supported main points
While main points are somewhat supported, the essay would benefit from more detailed examples and explanations to strengthen the argument. Consider using concrete data, real-world examples, or hypothetical scenarios to illustrate points more vividly.
complete response
The response lacks a clear position throughout the essay, which could leave the reader unsure of your stance. Make sure to state your opinion clearly in the introduction and reiterate it in the conclusion for a stronger task achievement.
clear comprehensive ideas
Though the ideas are relevant, they could be developed more comprehensively. Expanding upon the given points with more elaborate reasoning or examples could improve the clarity and depth of the ideas presented.
relevant specific examples
Using specific examples is good, but they need to be entirely pertinent and clearly explained. The given example about start-ups in Jakarta is a step in the right direction, but more specificity or additional examples would more effectively support the argument.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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