It has been observed that in many countries notenoughstudentsarechoosingto studyscience subjects at university. What do you think are the causes of the problem? What are the effects on society

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Financial illiteracy used to be the biggest problem of my childhood. Though, my mother had an average salary and some bonuses from my father as child support. Even though, my mom did not have enough financial knowledge to manage money effectively. I really did not have an idea what
is
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
happening
due to
my young and silly mind. As a big brother to my sister and an assistant to my mother, I had to find a way to abandon
this
paycheck-to-paycheck lifestyle.
At the end
of 10th grade, I explored a new sphere with outrageous potential,
web3.0
Correct your spelling
Web 3.0
.
This
field is about speculating digital pictures that have value in
this
community. At the beginning of my way, I started taking courses , and
then
day by day I made NFT a part of my daily routine and
consequently
, I started earning my livelihood.
However
, after 1 year,
while
working I spotted that very talented
artists
who are constantly making high-quality NFTs went unnoticed by the community. At
this
point, I realized that I wanted to help them and started planning my own ecosystem, where
artists
could buy a place at my project and
then
I could send out their creations to every volunteer for free, for just entering 1 use code that can be obtained from other accounts every 2
week
Change to a plural noun
weeks
show examples
, every month,
moreover
, these NFTs can be sold in platforms
such
as magiceden.io, tensor.trade, coral.cube. So, everyone has their own profit, people can receive NFTs from
artists
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
can
Verb problem
apply
show examples
evaluate them, and
also
sell them to get money, as a head of
this
project I may receive money from
artists
. Now, it is my dream to materialize
this
concept.
However
, to do it, I must study finances at an academic degree because
this
idea directly demands working with budget, controlling finances may avoid some big budget spaces in the lifecycle of
this
project.
Submitted by dnm.best on

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task achievement
The essay provided does not adhere to the topic given, which concerns the causes and effects of students not choosing to study science subjects at university. Ensure that the content of your essay directly addresses the task provided.
coherence and cohesion
The essay lacks a clear introduction, coherent structure, and conclusion that relate to the essay topic. To improve coherence and cohesion, establish a clear logical sequence of ideas, and always include an introduction that presents the topic, followed by body paragraphs that elaborate the points made, and a conclusion that summarizes the main ideas.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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