Some people say that playing games can be bad for children. Others say that playing computer games can have positive effects on the way children develop. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Nowadays there is a speedy
developement
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development
in
entertainment
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the entertainment
show examples
industry
according to
new findings in
techonlogy
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technology
either
hardwares
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hardware
or
softwares
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software
. One of the most considered sectors is spending time
to play
Change the verb form
playing
show examples
video
games
by
childeren
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children
.
Benefts
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Benefits
and drawbacks of
this
activity
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
become a trend topic to
discusse
Correct your spelling
discuss
. In a point of view, some individuals believe that paying much attention to
such
unphysical activity makes
youngesters
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youngsters
unsocial people and their skills will not
opimize
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optimize
optimise
approprately
Correct your spelling
appropriately
for an
indipendent
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independent
life.
In addition
,
advertises
Replace the word
advertisements
show examples
that computer
games
are broadcast cause
to increase
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increased
show examples
consumarization
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consumerization
which
is leading
Wrong verb form
leads
show examples
to
a
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an
show examples
unethical
civiliazion
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civilization
.
Also
, these
games
use psychological
treats
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threats
show examples
to change lifestyles to the way that related companies like.
On the other hand
, some benefits related to playing
games
in
digital
Add an article
the digital
a digital
show examples
world are mentioned by a group of people. They believe that these
games
grow
up
Change preposition
apply
show examples
environmental attention quality (EQ) and
also
games
Correct pronoun usage
that included
show examples
included
Wrong verb form
include
show examples
challenges
lead
Correct pronoun usage
that lead
show examples
to
growth
Add an article
the growth
show examples
of intelligent quality (IQ).
Also
, these
games
include many aspects that traditional education systems can not provide,
for instance
, using high
grafics
Correct your spelling
graphics
visual properties. In my point of view, there should be an
approperate
Correct your spelling
appropriate
audience
center
Change the spelling
centre
show examples
to evaluate each game before releasing
to
Correct pronoun usage
it to
show examples
society to
inssure
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insure
ensure
its safety and
also
goverments
Correct your spelling
governments
government
should
stablish
Correct your spelling
establish
some educational programs to cope
Change preposition
with unpleasent
show examples
unpleasent
Correct your spelling
unpleasant
feedbacks
Fix the agreement mistake
feedback
show examples
of
Change preposition
from
show examples
some video
games
. In
this
case, video
games
can be one of
important
Add an article
the important
show examples
tools to improve IQ and EQ not only in
childeren
Correct your spelling
children
but
also
in adults.
Submitted by h.dibabiotech on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that ideas are organized logically throughout the essay, clearly linking main points and ideas. Avoid abrupt shifts in topic and unclear argument progression.
coherence cohesion
Include a clear introduction and conclusion, with the conclusion effectively summarizing the main points and restating your opinion.
coherence cohesion
Support main points with specific details, examples, and arguments. Each paragraph should center around a singular idea, with clear and explicit support for your claims.
task achievement
Address all parts of the task sufficiently, ensuring that your response is complete and covers all aspects of the prompt. Maintain focus on the topic throughout your essay.
task achievement
Express your ideas clearly and comprehensively, ensuring that your position is well-developed and your argument is easy to follow.
task achievement
Use relevant, specific examples to support your ideas. These examples should be clearly linked to your arguments and effectively illustrate your points.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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