IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people think that buildings such as flats and houses should be designed to last a long time. Others believe that it is more important to provide accommodation quickly and cheaply. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #buildings #flats #houses #time #accommodation
Some individuals believe that buildings like flats and
houses
 had better be constructed to
last
 a long time
while
 some think that preparing housing areas fast and inexpensive is more necessary. In my opinion, I believe that we should invest and care about designing and choosing good things for our
house
. Obviously, providing accommodation quickly and cheaply brings some advantages but it
also
 has disadvantages.
Firstly
, it can help poor or
stable income
Add a hyphen
stable-income
show examples
people
 to have a
house
 to avoid rainy and sunny weather.
Secondly
, they could buy some furniture or utensils which are suitable for their budget. Owing to the fact that those
people
 often buy stuff at a cheap price, those things break down very fast so they have to pay
money
 to fix or buy new ones.
In addition
, when their
house
 is damaged easily, they have to pay a lot of
money
 to reconstruct it.
Therefore
, proving
houses
 or flats are cheap is not a good way.
However
, that
people
 construct solid buildings is an important thing. The first reason may be saving
money
. When households decide to stay a long time, they will build a firm
house
 that will lead to them not needing to spend a lot of
money
 to repair their
house
. Another cause for
this
 action can relate to safety.
Although
 those
houses
 are old, they are very secure because they install anti-theft or safe equipment .
For example
, when a building has a fire, it will be alarmed and have fire prevention equipment and fire extinguishers. The
last
 argument can refer to
quality
 of life. Almost all of those
houses
also
 ensure
quality
 since they are designed carefully and
equipt
Correct your spelling
equip
show examples
 all facilities. So
people
 who live in those
houses
 feel safer and more comfortable than cheaper and lower
quality
 flats or departments. In conclusion,
although
 some
people
 think that quick and inexpensive accommodation is enough, I personally believe that we should build
houses
 and departments to ensure safety and
quality
 of life.
Submitted by vuhien4397 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your essay has a clear and logical structure. Organize your paragraphs effectively to guide the reader through your argument. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea and follow cohesively from one to the next. Avoid abrupt transitions, and instead use linking words to create a smoother flow of ideas.
task achievement
Make sure you address all parts of the task. Provide a balanced discussion of both views presented in the topic before giving your own opinion at the end. Clarify your opinion with solid arguments and ensure that your conclusion reflects the complexities of the issue.
task achievement
To strengthen your essay, support your main points with relevant, specific examples. These examples should clearly illustrate your arguments and be directly related to the topic. Avoid generic statements and strive to provide details that substantiate your claims.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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