IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3

The most important aim of science should be to improve people's lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#aim #science #people #lives
It is commonly argued that the ultimate target of
science
 is related to
promote
Wrong verb form
promoting
show examples
 the level of individuals and
make
Wrong verb form
making
show examples
 their lives easier than before. I believe with the mentioned statements and we should accept by progressing in
science
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
 welfare touch
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
valuable achievements
such
 as better access to treatment or
more
Correct article usage
a more
show examples
 efficient: agriculture system
althouth
Correct your spelling
although
, we do not have to abuse
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
science
 for doing bad activities,
such
 as wars or killing the innocent people. In recent decades we have witnessed
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
noticeable progress in every field of
science
,
for
instance
Add a comma
instance,
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
nuclear energy which has several advantages for promoting individuals' life in treatment and supplying
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
other energies with the lowest level of pollution, is used as a medium for world disruption,
then
 it
change
Change the verb form
changes
show examples
 the aim of
sience
Correct your spelling
science
.
However
, we see the other aspect of
science
 which really practical for making
live
Replace the word
life
show examples
 easier ,as
an evidence
Remove the article
evidence
a piece of evidence
a shred of evidence
show examples
the
Change preposition
by the
show examples
robat
Change the capitalization
Robat
show examples
 vacuum cleaner, which assists in housework as a versatile medium for dusting and moping based on
Al
Correct article usage
the Al
show examples
 system, which is derived from
Correct article usage
the developing
show examples
developing
Replace the word
development
show examples
 in
science
 or the other services, like the system of online shops which very useful in modern life for saving time,
hence
 most of the time
science
 is so
practicall
Correct your spelling
practical
 for enhancing lives. In conclusion.! strongly believe that the ultimate aim of every
science
 is enhancing the level of
lives
Fix the agreement mistake
life
show examples
,
although
 we have witnessed a wide range of
abusements
Replace the word
abuse
show examples
 from
science
 and technology in modern life.
Submitted by amirshajarizadeh on

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coherence cohesion
A logical structure should be maintained throughout the essay. Ensure each paragraph follows a clear and consistent idea without digressing from the subject. Refrain from introducing new points in the conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Both introduction and conclusion need to clearly state the writer's position and must be directly related to the essay prompt. The conclusion should not introduce new ideas.
coherence cohesion
Main points should be more developed with stronger and varied supporting examples. Make sure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that the supporting sentences directly relate to that main idea.
task achievement
The essay should fully address all elements of the task. Take time to explore the question from different perspectives and provide a reasoned position throughout.
task achievement
Your ideas need to be presented clearly and developed comprehensively. Avoid unclear sentences and strive to make each argument explicit and straightforward.
task achievement
Use more specific examples to support your arguments. These examples should be directly related to the main point and help to develop your argument in detail.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • crucial role
  • technological advancements
  • medical discoveries
  • life-changing inventions
  • innovations
  • solutions to human problems
  • enhancing quality of life
  • improvement of healthcare
  • transportation
  • communication
  • agriculture
  • energy sectors
  • eradication of diseases
  • prolongation of life expectancy
  • global challenges
  • climate change
  • overpopulation
  • food security
  • developed world
  • underprivileged communities
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