IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

More students are deciding to study science-related subjects at university rather than more traditional subjects. What are the causes of this? What affects will it have on society?

#students #study #subjects #university #society
A rising number of students prefer choosing science-related disciplines at the university
instead
 of opting
more
Change preposition
for more
show examples
 conventional courses. It can be caused by a growing demand
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 STEM fields and by the desire to solve global issues affecting the world.
This
 imbalance might lead to societal development
in particular
 areas and technological proficiency. The main reason why graduates choose scientific professions is the requisition for individuals skilled in applied sciences in industries. Scientific vocations are well-paid and widely disseminated around the world.
According to
 a report
of
Change preposition
from
show examples
 the World Bank, STEM skills are essential for
competitiveness
Add an article
the competitiveness
show examples
 of the country in
international
Add an article
the international
show examples
 arena,
therefore
 more and more students choose to study science-related subjects, considering career prospects.
Moreover
, science is
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 powerful tool to address obstacles
such
 as climate change, global warming and healthcare development and
mostly
Correct your spelling
most
show examples
 students aspire to make a meaningful impact on a global scale, which might be the cause of the popularity of physics, biology and mathematics. The consequences of
this
 trend in society
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 versatile. On one hand, it can lead to a more scientifically literate population, fostering innovations. If
significant
Change the article
a significant
the significant
show examples
 number of
nation
Add an article
the nation
a nation
show examples
 has STEM skills, it will be beneficial for the economy of the country.
For example
,
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
 has a considerable number of internationally vital corporations,
such
 as “Apple” and “Tesla”, and they account for 50
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of the income of the USA. Taking everything into account, the growing preference for science-related subjects stems from a combination of perceived career opportunities and technological advancements,
while
this
 trend can enhance problem-solving and innovation, making society diverse and
front running
Add a hyphen
front-running
show examples
.
Submitted by dnm.best on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure that there is a clear progression of ideas throughout the essay. While some logical sequencing is present, occasionally points feel isolated.
coherence cohesion
Work on the usage of connecting words and cohesive devices. Employ them to enhance the flow between sentences and paragraphs more effectively.
task achievement
Make sure to address all parts of the prompt fully. While the causes are discussed, the effects are not thoroughly examined.
task achievement
Develop your ideas more comprehensively. Each main point should be fully explored and supported with specific details.
task achievement
Include more varied and relevant examples to back your points. The examples provided are somewhat generic and could be more specific.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: