It is the government's responsibility to provide financial support to old people after they retire or individuals should save money for themselves. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
One of the most controversial issues nowadays relates to who should be accountable
to
finances for retired Change preposition
for
seniors
. While
some suggest that governments should be responsible for it, others recommend that the elder
should be responsible themselves. In my Replace the word
elderly
Fix the agreement mistake
opinion
opinions
they should work together to solve Add a comma
opinions,
this
problem.
Some people argue that it is the government
who
plays the indispensable and main role in providing financial support for retired Correct pronoun usage
that
seniors
. Due to
the growing age and the daily declining physical functions, earning
capacity of the Correct article usage
the earning
elder
Replace the word
elderly
are
relatively lacking compared to youngsters especially when they are retired. At the same time, the Correct subject-verb agreement
is
elder
have contributed a lot to society when they were on the job. Replace the word
elderly
For instance
, those who used to be policemen have protected us and maintained public order. Ultimately, it is the right time for the government
to support them financially.
Other people believe that this
financial responsibility should be taken by those retired seniors
themselves. The government
's total financial recourses
are limited, and there are many important areas Correct your spelling
resources
such
as national defense and science that require large expenditures. If the elder
want to achieve financial surplus, and a high quality of life, saving money on their own Replace the word
elderly
are
more reliable. Saving money themselves means more manageable wealth and more thoughtful spending plans, which can bring about a happier old age.
In my Correct subject-verb agreement
is
view
governments and individuals are jointly responsible for Add a comma
view,
financial
problems of retired Correct article usage
the financial
seniors
. With a portion of the government
's financial support and the individual's sensible and scientific money-saving habits, older people will be more financially secure in retirement with less reliance on government
and more rational spending plans, leading to a better Correct article usage
the government
elder friendly
society.
In conclusion, it seems to me that governments and retired Add a hyphen
elder-friendly
seniors
should collaborate to maintain the financial capacity of the elder
.Replace the word
elderly
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coherence cohesion
Despite the logical progression of ideas, the essay lacks a clear and strong position in the introduction, leading to reduced clarity in subsequent paragraphs.
task achievement
The introduction should be more explicit in stating your opinion and the main points you will discuss. Make sure your conclusion summarizes your key points and clearly restates your opinion.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.