IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

The bar chart below describes some changes about the percentage of people were born in Australia and who were born outside Australia living in urban, rural and town between 1995 and 2010.

The bar chart below describes some changes about the percentage of people were born in Australia and who were born outside Australia living in urban, rural and town between 1995 and 2010.
#bar #changes #percentage #people #australia #town
These bar charts show
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
the difference between 1995 and 2010 for living in
different
Add an article
a different
show examples
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
 for the
people
 who were born in
Asturalia
Correct your spelling
Australia
 and who were born outside
Australia
. It is clear from the graphs that the number of population that they living in cities
much
Add a missing verb
is much
show examples
 more than the others.
According to
 what is shown, the
pecent
Correct your spelling
percentage
 of
people
 who
living
Change the form of the verb
live
show examples
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
towns and rural areas
is decrease
Wrong verb form
decreases
show examples
 until reach
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the same level
at
Change preposition
from
show examples
 1995 to 2010 for
people
which their
Correct pronoun usage
whose
show examples
 place of birth
in
Add a missing verb
is in
show examples
Australia
.
Similarely
Correct your spelling
Similarly
, for the
people
which their
Correct pronoun usage
whose
show examples
 place of birth
outer
Add a missing verb
is outer
show examples
Australia
 their proportion
decrease
Correct subject-verb agreement
decreases
show examples
 until they become close to each other. As for the
people
 who
living
Change the form of the verb
live
show examples
 in cities their
percentge
Correct your spelling
percentage
Verb problem
has
show examples
is go
Change the verb form
is gone
is going
show examples
 up
about
Change preposition
by about
show examples
 20
pper cent
Correct your spelling
per cent
 for both
people
were
Correct pronoun usage
who were
show examples
 born inside
Australia
 and outside
Australia
during
Change preposition
over
show examples
 15 years.
To sum up
, we could say that the
proporion
Correct your spelling
proportion
 of
people
 who were born outside
Australia
 is more than who were born in
Australia
.
Submitted by bader.salem2001 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words people, australia with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "decrease" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • demographics
  • urbanization
  • migration patterns
  • population distribution
  • percentage points
  • growth rate
  • decline
  • trend analysis
  • socioeconomic factors
  • infrastructure development
  • rural exodus
  • census data
  • lifestyle changes
  • residential patterns
  • immigration policies
  • emigration
  • natural increase
  • birth rate
  • settlement patterns
  • push and pull factors
What to do next:
Look at other essays: