The bar chart below describes some changes about the percentage of people were born in Australia and who were born outside Australia living in urban, rural and town between 1995 and 2010.

The bar chart below describes some changes about the percentage of people were born in Australia and who were born outside Australia living in urban, rural and town between 1995 and 2010.
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These bar charts show
that
Correct word choice
apply

It seems that conjunction use may be incorrect here.

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the difference between 1995 and 2010 for living in
different
Add an article
a different

The noun phrase different area seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas

It seems that area may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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for the
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

who were born in
Asturalia
Correct your spelling
Australia

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and who were born outside
Australia
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

. It is clear from the graphs that the number of population that they living in cities
much
Add a missing verb
is much

It seems that you are missing a verb. Consider adding it.

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more than the others.
According to
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

what is shown, the
pecent
Correct your spelling
percentage

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of
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

who
living
Change the form of the verb
live

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb living. Consider changing it.

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on
Change preposition
in

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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the
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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towns and rural areas
is decrease
Wrong verb form
decreases

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb is decrease. Consider changing it.

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until reach
at
Change preposition
apply

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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the same level
at
Change preposition
from

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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1995 to 2010 for
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

which their
Correct pronoun usage
whose

It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.

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place of birth
in
Add a missing verb
is in

It seems that you are missing a verb. Consider adding it.

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Australia
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

.
Similarely
Correct your spelling
Similarly

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, for the
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

which their
Correct pronoun usage
whose

It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.

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place of birth
outer
Add a missing verb
is outer

It seems that you are missing a verb. Consider adding it.

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Australia
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

their proportion
decrease
Correct subject-verb agreement
decreases

It seems that the verb decrease does not agree with the subject. Consider changing the verb form.

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until they become close to each other. As for the
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

who
living
Change the form of the verb
live

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb living. Consider changing it.

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in cities their
percentge
Correct your spelling
percentage

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Verb problem
has

There may be a verb use issue here.

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is go
Change the verb form
is gone
is going

It appears that the form of the verb go does not work with is in this sentence.

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up
about
Change preposition
by about

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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20
pper cent
Correct your spelling
per cent

The words pper cent seem to be misspelled. Consider replacing them.

for both
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

were
Correct pronoun usage
who were

It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.

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born inside
Australia
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

and outside
Australia
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

during
Change preposition
over

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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15 years.
To sum up
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, we could say that the
proporion
Correct your spelling
proportion

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of
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

who were born outside
Australia
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

is more than who were born in
Australia
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

.
Submitted by bader.salem2001 on

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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
Vocabulary: Replace the words people, australia with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "decrease" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • demographics
  • urbanization
  • migration patterns
  • population distribution
  • percentage points
  • growth rate
  • decline
  • trend analysis
  • socioeconomic factors
  • infrastructure development
  • rural exodus
  • census data
  • lifestyle changes
  • residential patterns
  • immigration policies
  • emigration
  • natural increase
  • birth rate
  • settlement patterns
  • push and pull factors
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