IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

You are a student at a university in Brighton and are living in private accommodation and have not had hot water or heating for some time. The landlord’s workmen have tried to fix the problem but without success.

#student #university #brighton #accommodation #water #time #landlord’s #workmen #success
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Dear Sir / Madam, My name is Niki Che. I am an international student studying Bachelor of Computer Science
in
Change preposition
at
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University
Correct article usage
the University
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 of Brighton. I am currently living in your service apartment.
This
Linking Words
 is a very cosy and lovely apartment, and I really enjoyed all the facilities,
however
Linking Words
, I would like to express my dissatisfaction in
regards
Fix the agreement mistake
regard
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 to the problems with the hot
water
Use synonyms
 and heating
system
Use synonyms
. During the past 6 months of my stay, the hot
water
Use synonyms
 service has not been working properly, especially during
daytime
Correct article usage
the daytime
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. There were a few times that there
is
Wrong verb form
was
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 no hot
water
Use synonyms
 supply for two days.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the heating
system
Use synonyms
 has not been functioning since I moved in. I had communicated with the workmen
last
Linking Words
 month, and they had arrived and tried to fix
this
Linking Words
 problem. They had fixed the heating
system
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, the hot
water
Use synonyms
 service could not be fixed as some parts have worn out and require new replacement. It would be very much appreciated if you could arrange
different
Change preposition
for different
show examples
 workmen to fix the heating
system
Use synonyms
 as soon as possible as winter is coming very soon. I look forward to your rapid response, Kind regards, Niki Che
Submitted by niki1028 on

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coherence cohesion
To improve logical structure, organize your essay into clear paragraphs and make sure to use appropriate connectors to show the relationship between ideas. Consider starting with an introduction that states the problem, providing a paragraph for each issue with its details, and ending with a conclusion that reiterates the main points and your request or expectation for resolution.
coherence cohesion
Include a summarizing conclusion to effectively wrap up your letter. Restate the main problem and your expectation succinctly to leave a strong final impression on the reader.
coherence cohesion
While the main points in the essay are supported, enhance your essay by providing more specific details or examples. This can include dates, frequency of the issues, and specific impacts on your daily life to strengthen your argument.
task achievement
The response fulfills the task to an extent, but to achieve a higher score, make sure to fully address all parts of the task. Specifically, provide a detailed account of all the repercussions due to the lack of heating and hot water, express how it has affected your life as a student, and mention any previous attempts at communication with the landlord about the problem.
task achievement
Your ideas are relevant, but to enhance clarity and comprehensiveness, clarify your demands and expectations more forcefully. Use a more direct tone to make your needs clear. Explore the possibility of adding a deadline or expressing the seriousness of the problem's impact on your studies and wellbeing.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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