An increasing number of children are overweight which could result in many problems when they are older both in terms of their health and healthcare costs. Why do you think so many children are overweight? What could be done to solve this problem?

#children #terms #health #healthcare #costs

The prevalence of childhood obesity is escalating worldwide, bringing about potential health issues and escalating healthcare costs as these

children

grow older.

This

concerning trend stems from a combination of factors, with the widespread availability of fast food being a significant contributor. Despite the well-documented health risks associated with fast food consumption, its affordability and appealing taste often lead

children

and teenagers to inadvertently indulge in these high-calorie meals regularly. To address

this

issue, implementing educational programs that

instill

Change the spelling

instil

show examples

healthy eating habits from an early age, starting from when

children

enter school, could prove instrumental.

Moreover

, a sedentary lifestyle, characterized by prolonged hours spent on

activities

such

as watching TV, playing video games, or engaging in social media, contributes significantly to the rising obesity rates among the youth.

Such

activities

discourage basic physical exercises like walking, running, and stretching, adversely affecting their

overall

health. Encouraging middle school and high school students to participate in sports

activities

can be an effective solution to counteract the negative impact of these sedentary

behaviors

Change the spelling

behaviours

show examples

. In conclusion, the surge in fast food availability and the decrease in physical

activities

are the primary culprits behind the rising numbers of overweight

children

and adolescents. Addressing these challenges through educational initiatives promoting healthy eating habits and increased involvement in sports

activities

holds the key to mitigating

this

global issue.

Submitted by farruxbekqirgizov1312 on Mon Jan 08 2024

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coherence cohesion

Ensure that ideas are presented in a logical sequence that enhances the flow of the essay. Transitions could be used more effectively.

coherence cohesion

Maintain a consistent use of introductory and concluding paragraphs to frame the essay effectively. This was done satisfactorily.

coherence cohesion

Support main points with a variety of specific details and examples to strengthen arguments.

task achievement

Address all parts of the task by fully responding to the prompt, and ensuring that your position is clear throughout the essay.

task achievement

Develop comprehensive and clear ideas that fully explore the task's topic and directly relate to the task requirements.

task achievement

Incorporate a range of relevant examples to substantiate arguments. More specific examples and data could enhance the essay's persuasiveness and completeness.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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4Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Grammar mistakes
 

3 paragraphs

221 words

5.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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An increasing number of children are overweight which could result in many problems when they are older both in terms of their health and healthcare costs. Why do you think so many children are overweight? What could be done to solve this problem?

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

In some countries, more and more people are becoming interested to finding out about the history of the house or building they live in. What are the reasons for this? How can people research this?

What damage does plastic do for the environment? Whta can be done by governments and individuals to solve this problem?

Millions of dollars are spent on space research every year. Some people argue the money should be spent on improving living standards on Earth. Do you agree or disagree?

When a country develops its technology, the traditional skills and ways of life die out. It is pointless to try and keep them alive. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion.