An increasing number of children are overweight which could result in many problems when they are older both in terms of their health and healthcare costs. Why do you think so many children are overweight? What could be done to solve this problem?

#children #terms #health #healthcare #costs

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The prevalence of childhood obesity is escalating worldwide, bringing about potential health issues and escalating healthcare costs as these

children

grow older.

This

concerning trend stems from a combination of factors, with the widespread availability of fast food being a significant contributor. Despite the well-documented health risks associated with fast food consumption, its affordability and appealing taste often lead

children

and teenagers to inadvertently indulge in these high-calorie meals regularly. To address

this

issue, implementing educational programs that

instill

Change the spelling

instil

show examples

healthy eating habits from an early age, starting from when

children

enter school, could prove instrumental.

Moreover

, a sedentary lifestyle, characterized by prolonged hours spent on

activities

such

as watching TV, playing video games, or engaging in social media, contributes significantly to the rising obesity rates among the youth.

Such

activities

discourage basic physical exercises like walking, running, and stretching, adversely affecting their

overall

health. Encouraging middle school and high school students to participate in sports

activities

can be an effective solution to counteract the negative impact of these sedentary

behaviors

Change the spelling

behaviours

show examples

. In conclusion, the surge in fast food availability and the decrease in physical

activities

are the primary culprits behind the rising numbers of overweight

children

and adolescents. Addressing these challenges through educational initiatives promoting healthy eating habits and increased involvement in sports

activities

holds the key to mitigating

this

global issue.

Submitted by farruxbekqirgizov1312 on Mon Jan 08 2024

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coherence cohesion

Ensure that ideas are presented in a logical sequence that enhances the flow of the essay. Transitions could be used more effectively.

coherence cohesion

Maintain a consistent use of introductory and concluding paragraphs to frame the essay effectively. This was done satisfactorily.

coherence cohesion

Support main points with a variety of specific details and examples to strengthen arguments.

task achievement

Address all parts of the task by fully responding to the prompt, and ensuring that your position is clear throughout the essay.

task achievement

Develop comprehensive and clear ideas that fully explore the task's topic and directly relate to the task requirements.

task achievement

Incorporate a range of relevant examples to substantiate arguments. More specific examples and data could enhance the essay's persuasiveness and completeness.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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4
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

3 paragraphs

221 words

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An increasing number of children are overweight which could result in many problems when they are older both in terms of their health and healthcare costs. Why do you think so many children are overweight? What could be done to solve this problem?

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

Having more money and less free time is better than earning less money and having more free time. Discuss both views and state your opinion.

Nowadays, some workplaces tend to employ equal numbers of men and women workers. Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

Living in a country where you have to speak a foreign language can cause serious social problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree with the statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience

​​Schools should use films, computers and games instead of books. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In many countries today, if people want to find work, they have to move away from their friends and families. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

Schools should use films, computers and games instead of books. To what extent do you agree or disagree?