Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Nowadays, many university students are trying to improve their knowledge in various

subjects

Use synonyms

rather than their

main stream

Correct your spelling

mainstream

show examples

while

Linking Words

others believe that it is a waste of time and they must focus on their main

subjects

Use synonyms

hense

Correct your spelling

hence

, they can expertise their own stream. In my opinion, I

also

Linking Words

agree with the first part

due to

Linking Words

the fact that

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

learning more things can open up more paths to the

future

Use synonyms

Since

Change preposition

show examples

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

the very past many of them only focused on their main learning stram so it

can

Wrong verb form

could

show examples

offer them

best

Correct article usage

the best

show examples

results

at the end

Linking Words

of the university period. And that can be helpful in

may

Correct your spelling

many

show examples

ways.

Likewise

Linking Words

, giving their all to the main

subjects

Use synonyms

can make them a

proffessional

Correct your spelling

professional

in a certain field.

In addition

Linking Words

, having

Change the article

the

show examples

best class in a degree can offer them a good job with a good salary. As

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

their lives will be more easier. As an example, my brother was a smart student in his main

subjects

Use synonyms

so he ended up having a

first class

Add a hyphen

first-class

show examples

degree which offered him a nice position in his company with an amazing salary. On the

othe

Correct your spelling

other

hand, Some students are trying to explore various

subjects

Use synonyms

out of curiosity. And

also

Linking Words

, most of them tend to improve their knowledge so they can create more passive income methods in the

future

Use synonyms

. Since

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

the world is updating in many ways some

Change preposition

apply

show examples

fields can

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

fade out from the job market. So, getting knowledge

various

Change preposition

in various

show examples

fields can secure your

future

Use synonyms

. Even

you

Correct word choice

if you

show examples

lost

Wrong verb form

lose

show examples

Remove the article

apply

show examples

one field you can just start

Change preposition

apply

show examples

fresh from another field.

For instance

Linking Words

, my friend learned about social media when we

are

Wrong verb form

were

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

college. And now he is earning using different media platforms

while

Linking Words

doing his job as a nurse.

To sum up

Linking Words

, It is better to know different things rather than one thing. So you can earn in different ways. Which can secure your

future

Use synonyms

darshanadnj20

Jan 8, 2024

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coherence cohesion

The essay does not have a clear logical structure, making it challenging for the reader to follow your argument. You should organize your ideas more effectively by using clear paragraphs and clear topic sentences. Start with an introductory paragraph that outlines the topic and your thesis statement. Then, proceed with body paragraphs that each focus on a single point of discussion with supporting details and examples. Finally, conclude with a paragraph that summarizes the main points and reiterates your opinion.

coherence cohesion

The introduction and conclusion are present but lack clarity and focus. In the introduction, clearly state the views being discussed and include a thesis statement that clearly outlines your own stance. In the conclusion, succinctly summarize the main points made in the essay and clearly state your opinion, giving the reader a sense of closure. Avoid introducing new ideas in the conclusion, and ensure that any opinion given matches what has been discussed in the body paragraphs.

coherence cohesion

Main points are somewhat supported, but the arguments need to be developed further for a more convincing discussion. Use specific examples to support each view and explain how these examples illustrate the point being made. Additionally, critically analyze each perspective to enhance the depth of your discussion. Consider the potential drawbacks and benefits of focusing solely on one's main subject versus exploring multiple subjects.

task achievement

While you have attempted to respond to the task, the clarity and comprehensiveness of ideas presented in the essay must be improved. Make sure to fully expand on the points made by offering more detailed explanations and presenting a balanced discussion of both views before stating your own opinion.

task achievement

Although you have provided some examples, the relevance of these examples to the main argument could be more effectively demonstrated. Ensure that examples are not only related to the topic but also explicitly linked to the main point you are discussing, providing clear explanations of how they support your argument.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
23
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

318 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

Broaden
Perspectives
Specialize
Critical thinking
Problem-solving skills
Career success
Interdisciplinary connections
Structured path
Clear goals
Creativity
Innovation
Academic credibility
Recognition
Balance
Exploring

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Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Most people are worried about young children playing video games, what problems might these games cause as a whole to society and individuals? What solutions can you suggest to reduce these problems.

We live in a world of technology these days. While the internet brings with it clear advantages, the problems in terms of control and security of information outweighs the advantages. To what extent do you agree?

In some countries, more and more people are becoming interested in finding out about the history of the house or building they live in. What are the reasons for this? How can people research this?

It is a common aspiration among many young people to run their own business, rather than work for an employer. Do you think the advantages of working for yourself outweigh the drawbacks?

Many large cities are facing house crisis because they cannot provide enough place for new buildings. Some local governments believe that the problem can be solved by repurposing the park land for residential development because this land is better used for houses. Do you agree or disagree?