Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Nowadays, many university students are trying to improve their knowledge in various
subjects
rather than their main stream
, Correct your spelling
mainstream
while
others believe that it is a waste of time and they must focus on their main subjects
hense
, they can expertise their own stream. In my opinion, I Correct your spelling
hence
also
agree with the first part due to
the fact that,
learning more things can open up more paths to the Remove the comma
apply
future
.
Since
Change preposition
In
,
the very past many of them only focused on their main learning stram so it Remove the comma
apply
can
offer them Wrong verb form
could
best
results Correct article usage
the best
at the end
of the university period. And that can be helpful in may
ways. Correct your spelling
many
Likewise
, giving their all to the main subjects
can make them a proffessional
in a certain field. Correct your spelling
professional
In addition
, having a
best class in a degree can offer them a good job with a good salary. AsChange the article
the
,
their lives will be more easier. As an example, my brother was a smart student in his main Remove the comma
apply
subjects
so he ended up having a first class
degree which offered him a nice position in his company with an amazing salary.
On the Add a hyphen
first-class
othe
hand, Some students are trying to explore various Correct your spelling
other
subjects
out of curiosity. And also
, most of them tend to improve their knowledge so they can create more passive income methods in the future
. Since,
the world is updating in many ways some Remove the comma
apply
of
fields can Change preposition
apply
be
fade out from the job market. So, getting knowledge Unnecessary verb
apply
various
fields can secure your Change preposition
in various
future
. Even you
Correct word choice
if you
lost
Wrong verb form
lose
a
one field you can just start Remove the article
apply
as
fresh from another field. Change preposition
apply
For instance
, my friend learned about social media when we are
at Wrong verb form
were
the
college. And now he is earning using different media platforms Correct article usage
apply
while
doing his job as a nurse.
To sum up
, It is better to know different things rather than one thing. So you can earn in different ways. Which can secure your future
.Submitted by darshanadnj20 on
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coherence cohesion
The essay does not have a clear logical structure, making it challenging for the reader to follow your argument. You should organize your ideas more effectively by using clear paragraphs and clear topic sentences. Start with an introductory paragraph that outlines the topic and your thesis statement. Then, proceed with body paragraphs that each focus on a single point of discussion with supporting details and examples. Finally, conclude with a paragraph that summarizes the main points and reiterates your opinion.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present but lack clarity and focus. In the introduction, clearly state the views being discussed and include a thesis statement that clearly outlines your own stance. In the conclusion, succinctly summarize the main points made in the essay and clearly state your opinion, giving the reader a sense of closure. Avoid introducing new ideas in the conclusion, and ensure that any opinion given matches what has been discussed in the body paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Main points are somewhat supported, but the arguments need to be developed further for a more convincing discussion. Use specific examples to support each view and explain how these examples illustrate the point being made. Additionally, critically analyze each perspective to enhance the depth of your discussion. Consider the potential drawbacks and benefits of focusing solely on one's main subject versus exploring multiple subjects.
task achievement
While you have attempted to respond to the task, the clarity and comprehensiveness of ideas presented in the essay must be improved. Make sure to fully expand on the points made by offering more detailed explanations and presenting a balanced discussion of both views before stating your own opinion.
task achievement
Although you have provided some examples, the relevance of these examples to the main argument could be more effectively demonstrated. Ensure that examples are not only related to the topic but also explicitly linked to the main point you are discussing, providing clear explanations of how they support your argument.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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