Many employees can now do their work from home using modern technology. However, this change may only benefit workers, not the employers. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is true that these days, technological progress has offered the flexibility to work either within the
office
premises or remotely from home. Contrary to the belief that
this
approach just has advantages for
employees
and not employers. In my opinion. I firmly disagree, and I will outline various reasons supporting my ideas. On the one hand, regarding the benefits for workers
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
flexibility and work-life balance,the elimination of going to the
office
day by day not only saves time but
also
reduces stress.
For example
,during the Covid-19 quarantine, many people could engage in three online jobs concurrently to meet financial needs and support
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
show examples
, resulting in greater productivity and job satisfaction.
Furthermore
,
this
approach can help people have a healthy life, as individuals can manage their
times
Fix the agreement mistake
time
show examples
more effectively with a view to preparing a
nutrient
Replace the word
nutritious
show examples
meal or doing some physical activities.
On the other hand
, in terms of employers. One of
these
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
advantages taken from
this
arrangement is the reduction of infrastructure spending.
Due to
the fact that there are fewer
employees
in the
office
, there is no point in renting large spaces for work.
Moreover
, companies can access a broader talent pool, no longer limited by geographical restrictions.
For instance
, businesses just need to post a recruitment on social platforms. With The globalization of the internet, they can recruit many potential and skilled workers who are far from the company, causing the enhancement of the
overall
quality of the workforce.
In addition
, Employee retention rates can increase thanks to flexible remote working. In conclusion, the work-from-home model using modern technology has substantial benefits for both
employees
and employers, because of its advantages over physical
office
spaces for companies and its flexibility for
employees
.
Submitted by pnkhanhlove on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

introduction conclusion present
Your introduction does present a clear thesis statement, but it could be enhanced with more background information to set the context before presenting your opinion.
logical structure
The use of linking words and clear paragraphs is good. However, some of your ideas could be better connected to ensure a smoother flow throughout the essay. Make sure each paragraph flows naturally from one to the next.
supported main points
While some examples were given, they need to be more developed and specific to effectively support your main points. Use real-world examples and statistics where possible to underpin your arguments.
complete response
You have addressed the task and presented your opinion on it, but the prompt requires a more in-depth exploration of both sides' benefits. Ensure that you clearly articulate and expand upon the advantages and disadvantages for both employees and employers.
clear comprehensive ideas
Ideas are expressed clearly, but you should expand your ideas further with more detailed explanations and examples. Aim for depth as well as clarity in the presentation of your ideas.
relevant specific examples
Your examples are relevant but lack detail. To improve, you should provide concrete examples that clearly illustrate your points. Personal anecdotes or broader social and economic implications could be effective here.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

Practice speaking step by step, answer real-life questions, and build your confidence. Start your free trial and improve your speaking skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!