IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Universities should accept equal numbers of males and female students in every subject. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#universities #numbers #males #students
It is often seen that there are educational inequalities. There is a debate that
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 number of
sudents
Correct your spelling
students
 who are enrolled in different institutes should be
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 in amount regarding
gender
 for all the subjects. I disagree with
this
 notion and I believe that it is unfair. First of all, it is
unpractical
Replace the word
impractical
show examples
 to select students based on their
gender
 only. The admissions of candidates should
be rely
Change the verb form
rely
show examples
 on their applications rather than genetic identity. There are some majors that are preferred by specific
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
show examples
 of
gender
.
For instance
, males are more likely to choose law and information technology as compared to females.
Thus
, in
this
 condition, it is
impeoper
Correct your spelling
improper
 for these educational centres to get equal numbers of boys and girls.
Moreover
, some people believe that
selection
Correct article usage
the selection
show examples
 of talents must
be depend
Change the verb form
depend
show examples
up
Change preposition
apply
show examples
on their interests, abilities and merits. By
this
Add a comma
this,
show examples
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 mean that if we focus on
gender
then
 it would be
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 drop
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 those individuals who are really capable
to get
Change preposition
of getting
show examples
admissions
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admission
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.
For example
, a
girl
Correct your spelling
female
show examples
 applicant is rejected just because they pursue a balance among genders.
Thus
, it leads to
unjustice
Correct your spelling
injustice
show examples
 in society. On the flip side,
second
Change the article
the second
show examples
 group of
population
Add an article
the population
show examples
 consider that there should be
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 figures
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 both young ladies and men in universities.
Furtermore
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
, females are as active as males in different sorts of
field
Fix the agreement mistake
fields
show examples
such
 as
industrial
Correct article usage
the industrial
show examples
 and
buisness
Correct your spelling
business
 sectors. It will lead
a
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to a
show examples
better place for
nation
Add an article
a nation
the nation
show examples
 not only in case of work but to become a developed nation. In conclusion, my point of view is that we should consider some points when
enrol
Change the verb form
enrolling
show examples
 students including their academic performance and social experience. We are not supposed to choose youngsters
according to
 their
genders
Fix the agreement mistake
gender
show examples
.
Submitted by livelygirl127 on

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Introduction Conclusion Presence
Your essay introduction briefly introduces the topic but fails to clearly state your position, which may confuse the reader about your stance. A clear thesis statement at the end of the introduction is pivotal.
Logical Structure
The development of ideas within paragraphs is somewhat logical, but transitions between them are weak. Strengthen your essay by using a wider range of cohesive devices and ensuring each paragraph flows smoothly into the next.
Supported Main Points
While you provide some main points, they are not always well-developed or fully supported with relevant examples or explanations. To enhance your essay, ensure that each main point is thoroughly explained and supported with specific evidence.
Clear Comprehensive Ideas
Your response to the task shows an understanding of the topic, however, the arguments presented are not fully expanded. To improve, express your points with greater clarity and detail to ensure comprehensive coverage of the topic.
Relevant Specific Examples
To enhance task achievement, incorporate more specific examples that are entirely relevant to the argument. This will strengthen your essay by showing practical applications of your ideas and giving the reader a better understanding of your points.
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