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Men do most of the high-level jobs. Should the government encourage a certain percentage of these jobs to be reserved for women? What is your opinion on that?

#men #jobs #government #percentage #women
There is no doubt that over the
last
 few
decades
Add a comma
decades,
show examples
 more and more
women
 have gotten high-level jobs.
While
 there are quite a lot of people who support the idea that
this
 number is too low and the government should foster companies and organizations to raise it, others tend to disagree with
this
 position. I strongly agree with the former opinion and in
this
 essay, it will be supported with arguments and examples. The main reason why I think the government should not do anything in
this
 area is because
this
 would be an artificial development and it will be a potential host of issues.
This
 is because CEOs, directors, and other top-level managers have got their jobs
due to
 their work results and professional skills.
In contrast
, if a person without
such
 accomplishments, and based only on her sex,
receive
Correct subject-verb agreement
receives
show examples
such
 a position,
this
 company or organization will face problems caused by unqualified management in the near future. Probably nobody would argue that
this
 is a huge drawback. Another reason why I think it shouldn’t be done is
due to
 the fact that contemporary legislation has proved that the current system is working fine. Indeed, over the
last
 decades, the economy
shows
Wrong verb form
has shown
show examples
 exponential growth, and today’s management has proved its effectiveness.
For example
, a recent study conducted by the University of London concluded that companies that are managed by men are 90% more successful in the modern market than ones which are managed by
women
.
Consequently
, it is imperative for the government to keep economic growth and save jobs for men and
women
 because without good management everyone will lose. In conclusion, I firmly believe that the public authorities should not force companies and organizations to hire
women
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 managers' positions because it is unnatural and will cause various problems which I described above. After analyzing the subject, it has become evident that the current situation is a result of evolution and it must be respected.
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task achievement
The essay contains an introduction and conclusion, which is good. However, there is room for improvement in establishing a clear position and maintaining it throughout the response. The essay lacks balance and proper exploration of the topic from both perspectives, and your final opinion doesn't match your initial position.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay needs significant improvement. Ideas are not presented in a cohesive or logical manner, causing confusion for the reader. Moreover, transitions between points and paragraphs could be improved for better flow of information.
task achievement
The essay must present main points that are expanded with explanations and examples. The examples given lack credible sources or are not realistic, which undermines the argument. Providing relevant, specific examples with sources would enhance the essay's strength.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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