Men do most of the high-level jobs. Should the government encourage a certain percentage of these jobs to be reserved for women? What is your opinion on that?

#men #jobs #government #percentage #women

There is no doubt that over the

last

few

decades

Add a comma

decades,

show examples

more and more

women

have gotten high-level jobs.

While

there are quite a lot of people who support the idea that

this

number is too low and the government should foster companies and organizations to raise it, others tend to disagree with

this

position. I strongly agree with the former opinion and in

this

essay, it will be supported with arguments and examples. The main reason why I think the government should not do anything in

this

area is because

this

would be an artificial development and it will be a potential host of issues.

This

is because CEOs, directors, and other top-level managers have got their jobs

due to

their work results and professional skills.

In contrast

, if a person without

such

accomplishments, and based only on her sex,

receive

Correct subject-verb agreement

receives

show examples

such

a position,

this

company or organization will face problems caused by unqualified management in the near future. Probably nobody would argue that

this

is a huge drawback. Another reason why I think it shouldn’t be done is

due to

the fact that contemporary legislation has proved that the current system is working fine. Indeed, over the

last

decades, the economy

shows

Wrong verb form

has shown

show examples

exponential growth, and today’s management has proved its effectiveness.

For example

, a recent study conducted by the University of London concluded that companies that are managed by men are 90% more successful in the modern market than ones which are managed by

women

Consequently

, it is imperative for the government to keep economic growth and save jobs for men and

women

because without good management everyone will lose. In conclusion, I firmly believe that the public authorities should not force companies and organizations to hire

women

Change preposition

show examples

managers' positions because it is unnatural and will cause various problems which I described above. After analyzing the subject, it has become evident that the current situation is a result of evolution and it must be respected.

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task achievement

The essay contains an introduction and conclusion, which is good. However, there is room for improvement in establishing a clear position and maintaining it throughout the response. The essay lacks balance and proper exploration of the topic from both perspectives, and your final opinion doesn't match your initial position.

coherence cohesion

The logical structure of the essay needs significant improvement. Ideas are not presented in a cohesive or logical manner, causing confusion for the reader. Moreover, transitions between points and paragraphs could be improved for better flow of information.

task achievement

The essay must present main points that are expanded with explanations and examples. The examples given lack credible sources or are not realistic, which undermines the argument. Providing relevant, specific examples with sources would enhance the essay's strength.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

327 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Men do most of the high-level jobs. Should the government encourage a certain percentage of these jobs to be reserved for women? What is your opinion on that?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

It is important for children to learn the difference between right and wrong at an early age this distinction. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinino? What sort of punishments should parents and teachers be allowed to use to teach good behavior to children.

Today children spend a lot of their free time watching TV Do advantages outweigh the disadvantages of this pratice?

More people will work from home and more student will study at home if computer technology becomes cheap and accessible. What will be the advantage and disadvantage if this happen?

Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route tosuccessful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straightafter school. Discuss both views.

Some people tend to take temporary jobs (they only work for few months of year), for they have time to do other things. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?