Apartment Security Survey You live in an apartment building. The apartment management wants to improve the security of the building. One option is to install a new lock in each apartment, the other option is to install more security cameras in the building. The management is surveying your opinion on these security improvement plans. Option A: I choose to have a new lock for my apartment. Option B: I choose to have more cameras in the building.
The topic of apartment security has sparked a debate and controversy. I opine that a new lock is an
apropos
option Correct word choice
appropriate
due to
the prevention of stealing.
Conspicuously, since current door locks are too old, breaking them is relatively easy. Given that, changing a lock to a biometric lock or an RFID lock can bring more difficulty for burglars to break them. Not only do these locks give better security, but they have
a backup mechanism to automatically call the police in the case of emergency; Rephrase
also have
this
feature can help us a lot when someone tries to break a main door forcefully.
Nevertheless
, cameras covering each corner of the building may serve a valuable purpose. Live and recorded feed from the entire building is beneficial to catch a culprit. Nonetheless
, prevention of live stealing can not happen with these cameras; recordings are the best that we can get; anyone can steal at any time wearing a mask or a hoodie.
Based on the aforementioned reasons, I still stand by my stance. That is
, cameras as apartment security is not a suitable option considering putting a hard stop on stealing.Submitted by rushsoni1998 on
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coherence cohesion
Your essay lacks a clear and logical structure which makes it difficult to follow. Try to organize your ideas into clear paragraphs, introducing each main point with a topic sentence and developing it further with supporting arguments.
coherence cohesion
You need to include an introduction that clearly states the topic and your position, as well as a conclusion that summarizes your main points and restates your opinion. This will help to frame your argument and make it more persuasive.
coherence cohesion
While you present main points, their development is limited and does not demonstrate a full exploration of the topic. Expand upon each point with more detailed explanations and relevant examples to support your arguments.
task achievement
Your response to the task is somewhat complete but lacks development across the criteria. Make sure you address all parts of the task promptly, presenting your viewpoint and discussing the alternatives, while also referring to the survey context provided.
task achievement
Your ideas are somewhat clear but require a comprehensive explanation and development in order to effectively communicate your argument. Remember to develop each point fully to convey a clear and comprehensive response.
task achievement
Your use of examples is limited and more specific, relevant examples are needed to effectively support your viewpoint. Try to incorporate real-life scenarios or hypothetical situations that illustrate your point and strengthen your argument.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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