In the future , people may no longer be able to pay for things in shops using cash . All payments may have to be made by card or using phones. Do you think this will happen one day? Why do you think some people might not be happy to give up using cash?

In
Correct article usage
the comming
show examples
comming
Correct your spelling
coming
days , individuals may have to pay for their purchases by cards or smartphones , not in
cash
. It is
crystall
Correct your spelling
crystal
clear that
this
condition will happen all over the globe as soon as our views . Yet some people might not be glad
with
Change the preposition
about
show examples
this
issu
Correct your spelling
issue
and they will try to keep themselves in the old shape. I will try to extend my
oppinion
Correct your spelling
opinion
about
this
phenomenon in
this
essay. Needless to say
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
, technology changed our life dramatically in all aspects ;
infact
Correct your spelling
in fact
, in recent years we adapted to its benefits and drawbacks ;
forexample
Correct your spelling
for example
, in
past
Correct article usage
the past
show examples
if people
wants
Wrong verb form
wanted
show examples
to go shopping , they should
geuss
Correct your spelling
guess
the prices and pick up enough
cash
to buy the needs ;
however
, nowadays you just need your credit card for payments , even if you have forgotten the card you can pay by the apps which are on most of our smartphones.
As a result
, we should be sure that in
early
Correct article usage
the early
show examples
feuture
Correct your spelling
future
feature
not only money in
cash
will become useless, but
also
it will become
disapear
Correct your spelling
disappear
very soon.
On the other hand
, a number of individuals may not be cheer
with
Change preposition
about
show examples
this
happening ; as a matter of fact, some of the aldarlies did not get used to
this
breakthrough ; to illustrate , it is hard for them to trust
this
revolutionary
Replace the word
revolution
show examples
and manage their accounts with new methods ;
hence
, they prefer to use
cash
as before .
to conclude
,in
near
Correct article usage
the near
show examples
Correct your spelling
future
feuture
Add a comma
feuture,
show examples
people may no longer be able to pay for things in shops using
cash
. All payments may have to be made by card or using
phones
Change the noun form
phone
show examples
applications and those who are not happy with
this
regard have to get used to it.
Submitted by sajad.bazdar.2012 on

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coherence cohesion
It is crucial to maintain a logical flow in your argumentation. This essay lacks clarity in the structure of points, which might cause confusion to the reader. A clear introductory paragraph, followed by arguments supported by distinct paragraphs, and a strong conclusion would make the argument more coherent.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present, but they must be more defined. The introduction should clearly state the topic and your thesis, while the conclusion should be a summary of your points and final thoughts. They should frame your essay, setting the topic and summarizing the discourse effectively.
coherence cohesion
Though you make some main points, they need further development and support with clear examples. You should expand your argument with more specific explanations, real-world examples, or data, which enhance the persuasiveness of your writing.
task achievement
Address the task directly by providing a clear response to the question. While you have offered an opinion, ensuring that you fully address both parts of the prompt will lead to a higher score. Include comprehensive ideas and develop them throughout the essay to meet the task requirements fully.
task achievement
Your ideas on the topic need to be clearer and more comprehensively explained. Use paragraphing effectively to explore each point you make. Ensure that the points you make are relevant and contribute toward answering the task's questions.
task achievement
Support your points with relevant, specific examples. These examples should be directly tied to the points you're making and should help to illustrate and reinforce your arguments. The inclusion of specific examples adds depth and validity to your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • digital payments
  • convenient
  • efficiency
  • reduce crime
  • tangibility
  • privacy
  • limited access to technology
  • job losses
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