Some people think that all university students should study whatever they like. Others believe that they should only be allowed to study subjects that will be useful in the future, such as those related to science and technology. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

On account of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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modern technological advancement, there has been a significant demand for
subjects
in relation to
science
and technology in higher education. Under the circumstances, there has been contention over whether
students
opt for either their
favorite
Change the spelling
favourite
show examples
courses or some practical
subjects
which are often associated with
science
.
Although
taking those
subjects
may bolster
students
’ career prospects, I strongly argue that they should have the right to choose their preferred study, considering the current school curricula
as well as
their motivations.
To begin
,
students
who have completed a degree in the realm of
science
and technology may have more promising careers.
According to
a survey conducted in Japan, more than 85 per cent of those who have studied these areas were able to obtain a job immediately after graduating from university.
This
result solidly implies that majoring in them
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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a strong edge over any other
students
who have done other degrees.
Nevertheless
,
students
’ internal motivations should not be disregarded. For
instnace
Correct your spelling
instance
, if
students
were not to have any interest in
science
, not only would they feel immensely
dimotivated
Correct your spelling
motivated
demotivated
to study, but they could
also
drop out of the course. In
this
instance, it would defeat the purpose of enrolling in the course.
Furthermore
, in light of the present educational system commonly adopted widely, the majority of
students
must undertake compulsory
subjects
at school.
Therefore
,
students
have the capability to opt for
their
Change the word
a
show examples
course, which is aligned with their interests and strengths. In conclusion,
while
science
and technology might bring enormous benefits to
students
regarding their career opportunities, I strongly
belive
Correct your spelling
believe
show examples
that their motivations, preferences,
strengths
Correct word choice
and strengths
show examples
must be considered at
university
Add an article
the university
show examples
level.
Submitted by artical5er7 on

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coherence cohesion
The introduction lacks a clear thesis statement, which makes it challenging to understand the writer's stance from the onset. Be sure to include a definitive thesis statement that outlines the main points that will be discussed.
task achievement
Ensure a balanced discussion of both views by expounding equally on the arguments for students studying science and technology as well as the argument for freedom in choosing their field of study. This balance was not quite achieved in the essay.
coherence cohesion
Work on varying sentence structures and transitions to improve the flow of the essay, making it easier for the reader to follow along and understand the progression of ideas.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion summarises the essay but does not adequately restate your opinion or the arguments presented. A stronger conclusion will reaffirm your stance and the reasons behind it.
task achievement
The use of specific examples is beneficial, but ensure they are fully developed and clearly connected to the argument being made. The example from Japan is a good start but needs to be better integrated into your overall argument for it to be effective.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • foster
  • engagement
  • excel
  • innovative contributions
  • diversity in research
  • well-rounded education
  • broad perspectives
  • critical thinking skills
  • mental well-being
  • burnout
  • forced academic paths
  • job-ready
  • skills shortages
  • tech-driven economy
  • employment rates
  • changing job market
  • utilitarian subjects
  • aptitudes
  • wasting talent
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