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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The diagram below show a public park when it first opened in 1920 and the same park today. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The diagram below show a public park when it first opened in 1920 and the same park today. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#show #park #first #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The maps provide
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
information
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
 Grange
Park
Use synonyms
 in 1920 and today.
Overall
Linking Words
, the
park
Use synonyms
 had changed to a greater focus on attraction at the expense of green spaces. Even though the
park
Use synonyms
 did not have
size
Correct article usage
a size
show examples
 change, many of the layouts had been moved and abolished
whereas
Linking Words
 some parts
did
Verb problem
were
show examples
 not
alter
Wrong verb form
altered
show examples
. In 1920, there was a fountain in the centre of the
park
Use synonyms
 which became the first thing that people saw when walking through the south or north entrance.
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
 the left side of the
park
Use synonyms
, there
had been
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
 a
stage
Use synonyms
 for musicians which people
can
Wrong verb form
could
show examples
 enjoy from four seats that
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 located diagonally to the
stage
Use synonyms
. Two of the rose gardens were in the front and the back of the
stage
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 one was positioned to the left of the water plants pond, which was in the right corner of the
park
Use synonyms
. To the bottom left corner, there had been a glasshouse and one
seats
Change to a singular noun
seat
show examples
.
While
Linking Words
 the
park
Use synonyms
 today remained with the same entrances,
rose
Correct article usage
a rose
show examples
 garden had been planted in the centre to replace the fountain, with four seats surrounding it. The
stage
Use synonyms
 had been removed to construct an amphitheatre.
However
Linking Words
, the rose garden in the top left corner still exists. There had been new additions to attract people,
such
Linking Words
 as
cafe
Correct article usage
a cafe
show examples
, children's play area, and water feature
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the right side of the
park
Use synonyms
. Underground car
Use synonyms
park
Fix the agreement mistake
parks
show examples
 had
also
Linking Words
 been built to fit vehicles.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words park, stage with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "changed" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • landscape
  • amenities
  • renovation
  • transformation
  • accessible
  • visitor demographics
  • green space
  • heritage
  • floral arrangements
  • commemorative
  • infrastructure
  • pathways
  • interactive areas
  • natural habitat
  • community engagement
  • urban planning
  • conservation efforts
  • public facilities
  • recreation areas
  • environmentally friendly
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