IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Many people believe that teachers should take the responsibility for the students to judge what is right and wrong and behave well, others feel that teachers should only teach academic subjects. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #teachers #responsibility #students #judge #right #subjects
In the modern educational sector, the issue of
teachers
 taking the responsibility
foron
Correct your spelling
for
 teaching
students
 to make judgements except focusing on academic subjects has sparked
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
considerable debate.
While
 I accept that the top priority for
teachers
 should
focusing
Change the verb form
focus
be focusing
show examples
 on the academic curriculums,
teachers
 are
also
 responsible for giving the
right
 guidance for
students
 to behave
right
. Some critics hold the view that
teachers
 should
be remain
Change the verb form
remain
show examples
 professional in their primary duty of teaching academic subjects, rather than teaching
students
 to make judgements about certain
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
show examples
, pointing out that the ability of critical thinking would only be better
developedfaciliated
Correct your spelling
developed facilitated
 through personal reflection on
experiencepractices
Correct your spelling
experience practices
. Without taking
Correct article usage
the initiatives
show examples
initiatives
Fix the agreement mistake
initiative
show examples
 or making mistakes in daily life by themselves, adolescents would not truly comprehend
deeply
Correct word choice
and deeply
show examples
 understand
thelessons
Correct your spelling
the lessons
 imparted by experienced verbal words from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
educators.
Moreover
, the experienced guidance from
teachers
isare
Correct your spelling
is
 from their
invidual
Correct your spelling
individual
 experiences, extremely subjective summaries that could even misguide
students
 down the road.
For example
, many Chinese
teacher
Change to a plural noun
teachers
show examples
impart
Change the verb form
imparts
show examples
lesson
Add an article
a lesson
the lesson
show examples
 to their
students
 that study is the only way to be wealthy. In fact,
this
 old saying does not cater to
constantly
Correct article usage
the constantly
show examples
 changing modern society, where Steve Jobs decided to drop school to start his own business in a small garage. Proponents contend the view, one that I am in
favor
Change the spelling
favour
show examples
 of, that
teachers
 should take the responsibility to help
students
 judge
right
 from wrong for two reasons.
Firstly
,
although
students
 would not grasp the deep sense of the words from educators until they do it, they will be positively influenced by
such
 guidance when making important decisions.
For example
, when they are exposed to
some
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
illegal activities, they can make the
right
 choice to stay away from crime.
Secondly
, as experienced individuals, educators are highly responsible
to spread
Change preposition
for spreading
show examples
 some correct traditional values to
next
Correct article usage
the next
show examples
 generations,
such
 as showing respect to elders, disabled people and other vulnerable groups. It is conducive to maintaining exceptional national values and extending national civilization.
Overall
,
while
 I agree that
teachers
 should prioritize the duty to teach academic projects at school, it is necessary for them to help
students
 make good judgements and behave
responsible
Change the adjective
responsibly
show examples
.
Submitted by erminelyu on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure that your introduction provides a clear outline of the ensuing discussion, and the conclusion summarises the key points effectively without introducing new arguments. Maintain a logical flow throughout your essay.
task achievement
Make sure you fully address all parts of the task. Your essay should provide a balanced discussion of both views and clearly state your own opinion. Also ensure that you support your ideas with relevant examples where possible, without diverging from the topic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: