Nowadays, children watch a lot of TV and play video games. However, some think that these activities are not beneficial for a child’s mental health. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
In
a
modern world, Correct article usage
the
children
are watching more television
and playing video
games
.so, people believe that these activities are bad for children
's mental health. I agree with this
statement because,
it Remove the comma
apply
cause
problems like Change the verb form
causes
loneliness
and depression to the child.
Nowadays, children
spent
more Wrong verb form
spend
time
on
watching Change preposition
apply
television
and playing video
games
. So, people are worried about this
because,
it Remove the comma
apply
cause
Change the verb form
causes
loneliness
over a period of time
. When a child spent
more Wrong verb form
spend
time
on virtual activities rather than going outside and socialize
themselves. It Wrong verb form
socialising
cause
some serious problems like Change the verb form
causes
loneliness
. For instance
, studies reveals
that Change the verb form
reveal
children
who spent
a lot of hours Wrong verb form
spend
on
Playing Change preposition
apply
video
games
are having
less Wrong verb form
have
time
to socialize themselves and
Correct word choice
apply
it
leads to Correct pronoun usage
which
loneliness
.
Furthermore
, depression on the other hand
, which
greatly Correct pronoun usage
apply
affect
the Correct subject-verb agreement
affects
children
. People believe that children
who are more engaged in activities like watching television
and playing video
games
have spent
most of their Wrong verb form
spend
time
alone and did
not Wrong verb form
do
spent
Change the verb form
spend
time
with family and friends.which makes the child depressed and sometimes suicidalRephrase
apply
also
. For example
, children
who spent
Wrong verb form
spend
time
alone watching television
programmes are more likely to be depressed and have depressive thoughts.
In conclusion, some think children
who spent
more Wrong verb form
spend
time
on
watching Change preposition
apply
television
and playing video
games
can leads
to mental health issues. I agree with Change the verb form
lead
this
because,
it Remove the comma
apply
cause
consequences like depression and Change the verb form
causes
loneliness
.Submitted by insighttribez on
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task achievement
Ensure that your main points are clear and each paragraph centers around a single main idea. It is important to directly address the prompt throughout the essay. Consider the complexities of the topic, addressing potential counterarguments or other perspectives.
coherence cohesion
Focus on the clarity of your argumentative structure. Organize your essay with clear introductions, body paragraphs, and conclusions. Use a range of linking words and cohesive devices to clearly connect ideas and paragraphs.
task achievement
Support your main points with specific examples. Instead of general statements, give concrete examples or cite studies to make your argument more compelling and provide evidence for your perspectives. Avoid overgeneralization.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite