IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The first graph shows the number of train passengers from 2000 to 2009; the second compares the percentage of trains running on time and target in the period.

The first graph shows the number of train passengers from 2000 to 2009; the second compares the percentage of trains running on time and target in the period.
#first #train #passengers #second #percentage #trains #time #target #period
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The first line graph illustrates the
number
Use synonyms
 of individuals using
railway
Correct article usage
the railway
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 between 2000 and 2009,
while
Linking Words
 the second gives information about the proportion of
trains
Use synonyms
 running exactly
according to
Linking Words
timetable
Add an article
the timetable
a timetable
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as well as
Linking Words
Use synonyms
target
Add an article
the target
a target
show examples
.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is clearly observable that the
number
Use synonyms
 of train passengers went up during the 9-year period.
Similarly
Linking Words
, the percentage of
on time
Add a hyphen
on-time
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 running
trains
Use synonyms
 rose over the same period and was just as equal
as
Change preposition
to
show examples
Use synonyms
target
Add an article
a target
the target
show examples
 in three points. In 2000, the
number
Use synonyms
 of railway users stood at approximately 35
millions
Change to singular
million
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. over the following
5-years
Correct your spelling
5 years
, the
number
Use synonyms
 of passengers peaked at nearly 45
millions
Change to singular
million
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.
However
Linking Words
, in the subsequent
years
Add a comma
years,
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 the
number
Use synonyms
 of train passengers saw a gradual fall of 3 million. By considering
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
the trains
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trains
Fix the agreement mistake
train
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 timetable, in 2000, the percentage of
trains
Use synonyms
 running on time
far
Add a missing verb
was far
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 lower than
Use synonyms
target
Correct article usage
the target
show examples
 at 92%. During the next
8-years
Correct your spelling
8 years
, the figure for
trains
Use synonyms
 running on time fluctuated
arount
Correct your spelling
around
 the
target
Use synonyms
 percentage (95%) and
finally
Linking Words
 reached the maximum at 97% in 2008 and remained constant until 2009.
Submitted by m.r.zamani1376678 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words number, trains, target with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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