IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The first graph shows the number of train passengers from 2000 to 2009; the second compares the percentage of trains running on time and target in the period.

The first graph shows the number of train passengers from 2000 to 2009; the second compares the percentage of trains running on time and target in the period.
#first #train #passengers #second #percentage #trains #time #target #period
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The first line graph illustrates the
number
 of individuals using
railway
Correct article usage
the railway
show examples
 between 2000 and 2009,
while
 the second gives information about the proportion of
trains
 running exactly
according to
timetable
Add an article
the timetable
a timetable
show examples
as well as
target
Add an article
the target
a target
show examples
.
Overall
, it is clearly observable that the
number
 of train passengers went up during the 9-year period.
Similarly
, the percentage of
on time
Add a hyphen
on-time
show examples
 running
trains
 rose over the same period and was just as equal
as
Change preposition
to
show examples
target
Add an article
a target
the target
show examples
 in three points. In 2000, the
number
 of railway users stood at approximately 35
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
. over the following
5-years
Correct your spelling
5 years
, the
number
 of passengers peaked at nearly 45
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
.
However
, in the subsequent
years
Add a comma
years,
show examples
 the
number
 of train passengers saw a gradual fall of 3 million. By considering
Correct article usage
the trains
show examples
trains
Fix the agreement mistake
train
show examples
 timetable, in 2000, the percentage of
trains
 running on time
far
Add a missing verb
was far
show examples
 lower than
target
Correct article usage
the target
show examples
 at 92%. During the next
8-years
Correct your spelling
8 years
, the figure for
trains
 running on time fluctuated
arount
Correct your spelling
around
 the
target
 percentage (95%) and
finally
 reached the maximum at 97% in 2008 and remained constant until 2009.
Submitted by m.r.zamani1376678 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words number, trains, target with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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