IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

While recruiting a new employee, the employer should pay more attantion to their personal qualities, rather than qualifications and experience. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#employee #employer #attantion #qualities #qualifications
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Employers consider many factors when hiring new staff. Some argue that
personal
Correct article usage
the personal
show examples
 traits of a potential employee are more important than their
qualifications
Use synonyms
 and
experience
Use synonyms
. I tend to disagree. Admittedly, having some desirable personal qualities can be beneficial in the workplace. The first
beneficial
Replace the word
benefit
show examples
in
Correct your spelling
is
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
reliability.
Employees
Use synonyms
 possessing
such
Linking Words
 qualities as responsibility and dedication are more likely to accomplish their
their
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
tasks than their qualified but irresponsible counterparts. Since the success of many
business
Use synonyms
 projects hinges on timely completion, employers should give more priority to reliable
employees
Use synonyms
.
On other
Change preposition
Other
show examples
 point worth considering is company culture.
This
Linking Words
 particular aspect of
business
Use synonyms
 is shaped by individual characteristics of
employees
Use synonyms
, like being mindful and considerate of other members of the team. Hardly can a
business
Use synonyms
 succeed if the work environment is unfriendly and hostile. Despite that, I firmly believe that one's
qualifications
Use synonyms
 and
experience
Use synonyms
 should be the main criteria when hiring new
employees
Use synonyms
. The first person has to
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
do with work quality. To be more specific, qualified
employees
Use synonyms
 are more
through
Correct your spelling
thorough
show examples
 in their work and seldom make mistakes. The fact that they have a sufficient grasp of their
specialty
Change the spelling
speciality
show examples
 minimizes the likelihood of making mistakes, which is essential for
uninterrupted
Correct article usage
the uninterrupted
show examples
 functioning of a
business
Use synonyms
. As for experiences and mistakes to instantly solve problems that would normally challenge an experienced employee.
Thus
Linking Words
,
employees
Use synonyms
 should prefer
qualifications
Use synonyms
 and
experience
Use synonyms
 over personal traits. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 personal qualities ranging from responsibility to mindfulness go a long way, I feel that they cannot replace the more critical factors
such
Linking Words
 as
qualifications
Use synonyms
 and
experience
Use synonyms
 as far as recruitment goes.
Submitted by mokhlaroyimdadakhanova on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
You need to ensure that your essay has a clear and logical structure. Each paragraph should introduce a distinct idea, be expanded with supporting information, and be concluded logically. Use a range of linking words effectively, and arrange your ideas so that they build upon one another coherently.
task achievement
Your response should directly address the question. Make sure to include an introduction paraphrasing the topic, and a conclusion summarizing your opinion. Develop ideas sufficiently and make sure that the answer remains focused on those ideas throughout your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: