IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

You work for an international company, and would like to spend six months working in its head office in another country. Write a letter to your manager. In your letter: explain why you want to work in the company’s head office for six months say how your work could be done while you are away ask for his/her help in arranging it

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Dear Mr. Karvani with pleasure , I'm writing
this
Linking Words
 letter to you through the
opputunity
Correct your spelling
opportunity
 of a 6 months working position in the central office. As you know it's
about
Add a missing verb
been about
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 6 years
that
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since
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 I
work
Wrong verb form
have worked
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 for the company
at
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in
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 the same position.During these years
i've
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I've
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 learned many new tips from my career and my colleagues. I think I
became
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have become
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 well experienced and
elligable
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eligible
 to cope
my
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with my
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 duties and
working
Wrong verb form
work
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responsiblities
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responsibilities
 now.
This
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 opportunity
of working
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to work
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 in a different environment with new responsibilities could help me
to
Verb problem
apply
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boost my skills and make me more
familliar
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familiar
 with different roles and
challanges
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challenges
. During these months, To avoid any
interuptions
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interruptions
interruption
 and problems due
my
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to my
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 absence I would try to do my
responsiblites
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responsibilities
 online and by working extra hours from home.
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Also
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Also,
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 I asked some colleagues to accept duties which are not possible to be done online .
Hopefully
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Hopefully,
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 they confirm that they could handle the job .
Through
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For
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 these mentioned reasons ,I would like to ask you for
coaporation
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corporation
cooperation
 and if it is possible please introduce me
for
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to
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this
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 option
to
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in
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 the main office . Thank You yours sincerely Aisan Ebrahimi

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coherence cohesion
The logical structure needs to be improved, ensuring that ideas are ordered in a clear and logical manner throughout the letter. Each paragraph should focus on a single idea, and the progression from one idea to the next should be smooth and coherent.
coherence cohesion
Single ideas should be contained within individual paragraphs. This letter mixes multiple ideas in the same paragraph, which can confuse readers and make the letter less effective.
task achievement
While the response generally addresses the task, there is room to provide a more detailed explanation of how the writer's work will be managed during their absence, potentially including specific plans or contingencies.
task achievement
The tone of the letter is quite informal and lacks professionalism at times. Ensure the language and tone are consistently formal and respectful, as is suitable for a letter to a manager.
coherence cohesion
Greeting and closing are present but could be improved. A more formal tone is expected, such as using 'Dear Mr. Karvani' instead of 'Dear Mr. Karvani' and ensuring proper punctuation and capitalization throughout the letter.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • professional development
  • global operations
  • cross-functional
  • remote work
  • progress updates
  • logistical arrangements
  • cultural exchange
  • continuity plan
  • enhance my skillset
  • broaden my horizons
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