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Writing Samples
Band 5

with the pressures on today's young people to Succeed academically. Some people believe that non-academic subjects at school eg. physical education and cookery should be removed from the syllabus so that chicken can concentrate wholly on acadesoic subjects. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#pressures #people #subjects #school #eg #education #cookery #syllabus #chicken #acadesoic
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In today's competitive learning environment, the youth
faces
Correct subject-verb agreement
face
show examples
 immense pressure to excel in their studies. Parents, teachers, and relatives often emphasize the pursuit of high results, side-lining the importance of non-academic
subjects
Use synonyms
.
For
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this
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 reason, many argue to remove them from the curriculum.
This
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 essay aims to explore the vital role of incorporating extracurricular
subjects
Use synonyms
 in the syllabus. Primarily, extracurricular activities are deemed indispensable in contemporary education as they facilitate holistic development, a key requirement for success in the present times. For e.g. drama classes
empowers
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empower
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 students to express themselves freely, overcoming stage fright.
Such
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 activities instil confidence, a trait that cannot be cultivated through textbook learning but only through
such
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 new disciplines.
Moreover
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,
incorporation
Correct article usage
the incorporation
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 of various non-academic
subjects
Use synonyms
 offers additional benefits to the student body.
For instance
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, physical education classes
goes
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go
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 beyond teaching mere exercises; it provides them an insight into a healthy lifestyle. It meticulously teaches them to embrace a healthy style of living. It exhorts them to exercise daily and imbue them with habits that will benefit them throughout their life and
also
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 protect them from the risk of obesity.
Furthermore
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, each student possesses different qualities and it is plausible that not all excel academically and they are good at something else. Maybe someone is a great dancer or an amazing piano player and might aspire to become that one day.
Thus
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, the presence of non-academic
subjects
Use synonyms
 in the curriculum is imperative. These
subjects
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 not only allow students to explore diverse fields but
also
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 unlock their creative potential, aiding in the identification of potential career paths and fostering personal growth.
However
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, by removing non-academic
subjects
Use synonyms
 from the syllabus, students can focus and devote more time
on
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to
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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academic
subjects
Use synonyms
. It will enable them to clear their doubts, spend more time with the teacher and hone their academic skills. But,
this
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 doesn’t mean we can completely eliminate
the
Correct article usage
apply
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non-academic
subjects
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. Everything should be done in a balance.
To conclude
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, including extracurriculars in the curriculum is paramount and contributes significantly
in
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to
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 their personal growth and gives them an opportunity to discover their real potential.
Submitted by aggarwalparth2007 on

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task achievement
Make sure to have a clear position throughout the essay, as this helps in achieving a high score in task response. While you did address the topic, there were moments where the position was not as clear or strong as it could be. Aim to maintain a consistent and clear stance all the way through.
coherence cohesion
The essay demonstrates good coherence and cohesion overall, with a logical flow of ideas. However, to push the score higher, work on smoothing out transitions between paragraphs and ensuring that each paragraph opens and concludes with clear, concise sentences that underscore the central point without redundancy.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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