IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

In the future, people many no longer be able to pay for things in shops using card all payments may have to be made by card or using phones. Do you think this well happen in one day? Why do you think some people might not be happy to give up using cash?

#future #people #shops #card #payments #phones #cash
It is an undeniable fact that technology has become an integral and significant part of our lives. It will be ubiquitously seen that the usage of
cash
 will decrease, and all the
transactions
 will take place either online or by card. I firmly believe that
cashless
 payment will be the reality in the near future. In the section below,
this
 essay shall propagate my perspective and why individuals will not be happy going
cashless
. First and foremost, technology has intervened in the various dynamics of today’s world and no wonder it will take over the financial industry. Sooner,
cashless
 technology will be in every store.
For instance
, Walmart has already introduced a self-checkout section, where
people
 can check out their items and pay digitally by card or online.
Moreover
, going
cashless
 has a lot of advantages where
people
 don’t have to keep a record of their
payments
 and can make
transactions
 more securely and safely. Sadly, not all shoppers will be happy to give up the
cashless
 transaction. Especially the older generation scared to use
such
 innovations.
Furthermore
, they do not have enough knowledge and experience to handle these methods.
For instance
, in Sri Lanka, older
people
 still go to the post office to pay their bills using
cash
.
Consequently
, some nations do not like to engage in either online shopping or electronic
payments
, so they are often open to paying physically using past materials. Conclusively, we could
therefore
 say that there is a plethora of reasons for preferring online
payments
 rather than
cash
 for their
transactions
.
However
, some
people
 are still interested in choosing
cashless
payments
, but some argue to still prefer to have a legacy method of doing
transactions
 using
cash
.
Submitted by TANULUTHRA95 on

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coherence cohesion
The essay displays a basic level of logical structure; however, it could benefit from more nuanced transitions and clearer connections between ideas to enhance the overall flow. Consider using more varied and sophisticated linking words and phrases to better guide the reader through the arguments.
coherence cohesion
An introduction and conclusion are present but could be improved. The thesis statement in the introduction should more accurately reflect the question prompt, and the conclusion could be more definitive in summarizing the primary arguments made throughout the essay.
coherence cohesion
While some main points are supported, to receive a higher score, ensure that each paragraph contains a clear topic sentence followed by a full development of the idea, including more detailed and contextually relevant examples.
task achievement
The response addresses the task and includes reasons for the potential shift towards a cashless society, as well as reasons why some might resist this change. To improve, ensure that the essay directly addresses the question prompt ("Do you think this will happen in one day?"). The essay should also exhibit a clear position throughout, which needs to be consistent with the essay's overall argument.
task achievement
The ideas presented are clear, but their expression can be broad at times and lacks some comprehensiveness. Strive to fully elaborate on each point, providing comprehensive explanations and more specific examples to thoroughly support the statements.
task achievement
You have included relevant examples, but they could be more specific and detailed. Providing more specific scenarios or statistics could strengthen your argument and make it more persuasive.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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