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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below show the main reasons for study among students of different age groups and the amount of support they received from employers.

The charts below show the main reasons for study among students of different age groups and the amount of support they received from employers.
#show #study #students #age #groups #amount #support #employers
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The first bar chart illustrates the
proportion
Use synonyms
 of
employers
Use synonyms
 having a preference to continue their degree in five different
age
Use synonyms
groups
Use synonyms
 and the second one figures the percentage of
employers
Use synonyms
 who need time off and funding from their companies.
Overall
Linking Words
, The young choose to study for career enhancement,
while
Linking Words
 the older have
preference
Add an article
a preference
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
only for interest.
There
Correct pronoun usage
It
show examples
 is
also
Linking Words
 noticeable that employees under
26-year
Correct your spelling
26 years
 old
needs
Correct subject-verb agreement
need
show examples
 more time-off and funding from their
employers
Use synonyms
. The younger
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
age
Use synonyms
 group below 26 has the highest ambition to continue their degree for career development with roughly 80%, followed
with
Change preposition
by
show examples
age
Use synonyms
groups
Use synonyms
 26-29 and 30-39, at around 70 %and 60 %, respectively.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the worker with
age
Use synonyms
 above 49 has the largest
proportion
Use synonyms
 to study for their interest, with a
proportion
Use synonyms
 around 70%. There is only
Use synonyms
age
Correct article usage
an age
show examples
 group of 40 -49 having the same
proportion
Use synonyms
 at 40%, studying for career and interest.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, more than
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
half of
employers
Use synonyms
 in the
age
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groups
Use synonyms
 under 26 and 26-29
needs
Correct subject-verb agreement
need
show examples
 support for day-off and funds, being the largest among other
groups
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 the others have
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
proportion
Use synonyms
 from roughly 30 % to 45%.
Submitted by 2024successielts on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words proportion, employers, age, groups with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "roughly" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Lifelong learning
  • Professional development
  • Adult education
  • Career advancement
  • Personal enrichment
  • Academic pursuits
  • Upskilling
  • Reskilling
  • Educational attainment
  • Tuition reimbursement
  • Flexible work arrangements
  • Work-study balance
  • Financial assistance
  • Professional growth
  • Study leave
  • Employee retention
  • Workforce development
  • Time management
  • Self-improvement
  • Motivational factors
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