Some people believe that tourism promotes the economy while other argue that tourism destroy the environment. Discuss both views and give your opinion

It is considered by several individuals that
tourism
enriches the economic sector.
In contrast
, there are others who think that
the
Correct article usage
apply
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tourism
make
Verb problem
has
show examples
harmful effects on the
environment
. In my opinion, I believe that there are some bad behaviours from tourists
while
are visiting other countries,
while
they are playing a role in flourishing the economy in every visited country. On the one hand, many humans say that
tourism
has negative perspectives on the
environment
.
In other words
, some travellers do not have sufficient awareness of their role in keeping
the
Correct article usage
apply
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nature clean which they have visited and they do wrong activities.
For example
, many people throw rubbish in the sea
while
they are lying on beaches as
sightseer
Fix the agreement mistake
sightseers
show examples
.
In addition
, these bad behaviours can cause environmental problems,
such
as the extinction of some species in the sea
due to
unclean water like some fish and creatures.
On the other hand
, numerous individuals think that
tourism
promotes the economy. For more explanations,
tourism
contributes to
financial
Add an article
the financial
show examples
growth of every country.
Moreover
,too many revenues are generated near the monuments and tourist attractions through the travellers spending
Change preposition
on accomodations
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accomodations
Correct your spelling
accommodations
accommodation
and other basic needs like meals.
For instance
, Petra is a monument
that is
located in Jordan.
Furthermore
, many hotels are built near the tourists' views to meet every traveller's needs.
As a result
,
this
will enrich the commercial perspective of the country.
Finally
, in my opinion, whether
tourism
destroys the
environment
or not. It enriches the commercial side by the increased extended investments ,
such
as huge malls specified for shopping which can attract tourists to buy their needs and souvenirs
as well as
support the financial growth. In conclusion, many people believe that
tourism
makes several destructions in the
environment
,
while
others think that it will make a positive progress in the economy sector. People should protect the
environment
from every wrong habit and boost economics.
Submitted by dianaishaq on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay lacks a clear and logical progression of ideas. It's crucial to organise your thoughts in a logical sequence which helps to guide the reader through your discussion. To improve, try creating an outline to structure your essay before writing it.
Coherence and Cohesion
While you have included both an introduction and a conclusion, they are not effectively summarising the key points of the essay. To improve the introduction, make sure it contains a clear thesis statement. The conclusion should briefly summarise your main points and reiterate your position, without introducing new information.
Task Achievement
Your essay touches on the main topic, however, your response is not fully developed. You need to extend and support your main points with detailed explanations and examples. Make sure your arguments are fully elaborated and directly respond to all parts of the task prompt.
Task Achievement
Your ideas are somewhat clear, but they are not comprehensive or fully developed. To improve, expand on your key points with more detailed explanations and incorporate a wider range of ideas relevant to the task.
Task Achievement
Your essay lacks specific examples to support your arguments. Using relevant and specific examples helps to illustrate your points and makes your argument more convincing. Research some factual information or statistics that could lend weight to your arguments.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • economic growth
  • generate income
  • local economy
  • development
  • infrastructures
  • quality of life
  • cultural heritage
  • authentic experiences
  • detrimental effects
  • pollution
  • natural habitats
  • depletion
  • natural resources
  • overcrowding
  • carbon footprint
  • global climate change
  • sustainable practices
  • environmental impacts
  • conservation
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