In many places women are taking jobs which are traditionally done by men. What do you think make these changes happen? What’s your opinion about it?

#places #women #jobs #men #changes #what’s

this

contemporary era, women are aspiring to

fulfill

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fulfil

show examples

all their dreams and proving mettle in all working areas. In my opinion, the rise in the demand

Change preposition

for

show examples

male-dominated job positions by

females

are blessing for

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

society. I am going to discuss the essay in the forthcoming paragraphs. The first and foremost reason, women are career oriented

because

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is because

show examples

of the

education

Replace the word

educational

show examples

opportunity

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opportunities

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they are getting today. In past,

females

were not aware

about

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show examples

the profession in which they were perfect,

females

were considered to remain inside the four walls.

However

, at present education is giving

chance

Correct article usage

a chance

show examples

to explore different working

field

Fix the agreement mistake

fields

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. They were surrounded by male chauvinism which never let them

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apply

show examples

rise and

work

equally with men.

However

, these days ladies are now getting permission from their families to go out to proceed

the

Change preposition

with the

show examples

work

and

supporting

Wrong verb form

support

show examples

the family finances. To prove

this

fact,

females

are growing in various fields of jobs

such

as bus driver, carpentry, bakery , painting and many more that were mainly ruled by men.

Secondly

, the rise in

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

women

Change noun form

women's

show examples

empowerment is because of the egalitarian society. Different social

campaign

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campaigns

show examples

done

Add a missing verb

are done

show examples

by government authorities or

public

Correct article usage

the public

show examples

to raise

the

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apply

show examples

awareness among the people to equalize each sex and demolish

the

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apply

show examples

gender inequality.

Additionally

, government policies

promoting

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promote

show examples

gender equality and

welcoming

Wrong verb form

welcome

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

females

in different workplaces without any discrimination. To illustrate

this

, now in

armed

Correct article usage

the armed

show examples

work forces

Correct your spelling

workforces

show examples

females

are participated

Change to the active voice

participate

have participated

show examples

in the armed forces to serve the country.

To conclude

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

this

, these changes are incredibly positive, and, in my perspective,

this

has happened because society is now blooming with gender equality, whether it is in the field of education or

work

opportunities given to each

individuals

Change to a singular noun

individual

show examples

without any differentiation.

Submitted by manpreetcanada90 on Sat Jan 13 2024

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coherence cohesion

Ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea that is developed and not just mentioned. Transition between ideas can be smoother and more explicit.

task achievement

While the overall response to the question is adequate, you should present more specific examples and detailed explanations to illustrate the points made regarding the changes enabling women to engage in traditional male jobs.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

firstly
secondly
thirdly
in additional
moreover
also
for example
for instance
therefore
however
although
even though
despite

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
27Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

285 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

societal norms
gender roles
feminist movement
gender equality
legislative changes
technological advancements
knowledge-based economy
globalization
dual-income
workforce
professional training
diversity
innovation

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In many places women are taking jobs which are traditionally done by men. What do you think make these changes happen? What’s your opinion about it?

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

***Some people believe that teaching children at home is best for a child's development while others think that it is important for children to go to school.*** ***Discuss the advantages of both methods and give your own opinion.***

Rich countries often give money to poorer countries, but it does not solve poverty. Therefore, developed countries should give other types of help to the poor countries rather than financial aid. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

lt is important to ensure that children with a wide range of abilities and from a variety of social backgrounds mix with each other at school. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In many countires women no longer feel the need to get married. Some people believe that this is because women are able to earn their own income and, therefore, do not require the financial security that marriage can bring. Do you agree or disagree?

Environmental protection should be the responsibility of politicians, not individuals as individuals can do too little. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people believe that teaching children at home is best for a child's development while others think that it is important for children to go to school. Discuss the advantages of both methods and give your own opinion.