In many places women are taking jobs which are traditionally done by men. What do you think make these changes happen? What’s your opinion about it?
In
this
contemporary era, women are aspiring to fulfill
all their dreams and proving mettle in all working areas. In my opinion, the rise in the demand Change the spelling
fulfil
of
male-dominated job positions by Change preposition
for
females
are blessing for the
society. I am going to discuss the essay in the forthcoming paragraphs.
The first and foremost reason, women are career oriented Correct article usage
apply
because
of the Add a missing verb
is because
education
Replace the word
educational
opportunity
they are getting today. In past, Fix the agreement mistake
opportunities
females
were not aware about
the profession in which they were perfect, Change the preposition
of
females
were considered to remain inside the four walls. However
, at present education is giving chance
to explore different working Correct article usage
a chance
field
. They were surrounded by male chauvinism which never let them Fix the agreement mistake
fields
to
rise and Change the verb form
apply
work
equally with men. However
, these days ladies are now getting permission from their families to go out to proceed the
Change preposition
with the
work
and supporting
the family finances. To prove Wrong verb form
support
this
fact, females
are growing in various fields of jobs such
as bus driver, carpentry, bakery , painting and many more that were mainly ruled by men.
Secondly
, the rise in the
Correct article usage
apply
women
empowerment is because of the egalitarian society. Different social Change noun form
women's
campaign
Fix the agreement mistake
campaigns
done
by government authorities or Add a missing verb
are done
public
to raise Correct article usage
the public
the
awareness among the people to equalize each sex and demolish Correct article usage
apply
the
gender inequality. Correct article usage
apply
Additionally
, government policies promoting
gender equality and Wrong verb form
promote
welcoming
Wrong verb form
welcome
the
Correct article usage
apply
females
in different workplaces without any discrimination. To illustrate this
, now in armed
Correct article usage
the armed
work forces
, Correct your spelling
workforces
females
are participated
in the armed forces to serve the country.
Change to the active voice
participate
have participated
To conclude
Correct pronoun usage
apply
this
, these changes are incredibly positive, and, in my perspective, this
has happened because society is now blooming with gender equality, whether it is in the field of education or work
opportunities given to each individuals
without any differentiation.Change to a singular noun
individual
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coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea that is developed and not just mentioned. Transition between ideas can be smoother and more explicit.
task achievement
While the overall response to the question is adequate, you should present more specific examples and detailed explanations to illustrate the points made regarding the changes enabling women to engage in traditional male jobs.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite