Nowadays, women have full-time work same as men, logically men should share household equally with women. To what extent do . you agree or disagree?
At present, there are many
women
have
full-time employment that Correct pronoun usage
who have
as
Correct your spelling
is
same
as Correct article usage
the same
men
, logically men
should engage in doing chores together with
their wife
fairly. I agree Fix the agreement mistake
wives
men
should share
housework
with women
but not share
equally.
It is true that men
share
Wrong verb form
sharing
housework
with women
will promote mutual affection between couples, because men
and women
embark
Wrong verb form
embarking
in
doing Change preposition
on
housework
will promote their communication and teamwork, which means they will gain mutual company and trust. For example
, as for those couples who have full-time job
, the time of doing Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
housework
is a rare opportunity that they can talk face to face. Therefore
, men
share
chores with Wrong verb form
sharing
women
would encourage intimate family relationship
.
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
However
, it is illogical that divide the housework
equally between men
and women
, because men
and women
have different qualities and talents, which means men
and women
will take on different types jobs
. Change preposition
of jobs
For example
, the majority of men
embark in
manual Change preposition
on
labors
and Fix the agreement mistake
labor
the
most Correct article usage
apply
of
Change preposition
apply
women
undertake clerical works
. In Fix the agreement mistake
work
this
case, Although
men
and women
both have full-time work, their level of fatigue is different and men
’s work is harder than women
. As for those manual Change noun form
women's
labors
, it is unreasonable Replace the word
labourers
that
undertake Change preposition
to
a
half of Remove the article
apply
those
Correct determiner usage
the
housework
when they feel exhausted in both body and mind after a tiring
. So dividing Replace the word
tire
housework
equally between women
and men
is illogically
.
In conclusion, I agree Replace the adverb
illogical
men
should help their wife
to do a part of Fix the agreement mistake
wives
housework
because this
is beneficial to their intimate relationship
. But it is illogical that Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
men
should share
household
with Add an article
a household
the household
women
eaually
Correct your spelling
equally
,
because Remove the comma
apply
Men
and women
differ in the nature and degree of hardship
of their work.Add an article
the hardship
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Task Achievement
Your essay needs more development in terms of task response. The prompt asks you to discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with men sharing household chores equally with women, but your argument is not fully explored. It is important to present a balanced view that addresses both sides of the argument comprehensively. Be sure to illustrate your points with specific examples and elaboration for a complete response.
Coherence and Cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, you should work on structuring your essay more logically. The paragraphs are arranged in an understandable manner, but transitions between ideas can be smoother, and the overall progression of ideas could be more coherent. Try to use a wider range of linking phrases and topic sentences that clearly relate to the central topic of the paragraph, ensuring each paragraph flows naturally from one to the next.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.
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