Out of a country’s health budget, a large proportion should be diverted from treatment to spending on health education and prevention measures. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#country’s #health #budget #proportion #treatment #education #prevention #measures

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Health

Use synonyms

is a basic right that every human should have.

Thus

Linking Words

, every government always have some of their budget to provide

Remove the article

apply

show examples

adequate medical

treatment

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. Be that as it may,

however

Linking Words

, there is an opinion that a country must

also

Linking Words

have a big proportion of its

fund

Fix the agreement mistake

funds

show examples

for

health

Use synonyms

education and prevention measures rather than only for medical

treatment

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. I strongly agree that

such

Linking Words

strategy

Correct article usage

a strategy

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will be the best step to improve

health

Use synonyms

quality since it can

minimizes

Wrong verb form

minimise

show examples

the higher cost needed for

treatment

Use synonyms

in the

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

future

Use synonyms

as well as

Linking Words

be a generational cure for a disease.

This

Linking Words

essay will shed some light on

this

Linking Words

issue and the writer's point of view.

Firstly

Linking Words

, there is a saying "it is better to be safe than sorry". Medical

treatment

Use synonyms

is only curing the illness that already

happen

Change the verb form

happens

show examples

. The paltry knowledge of individuals about the disease will make them do their everyday

habit

Fix the agreement mistake

habits

show examples

that might lead to the sickness. As a

concequence

Correct your spelling

consequence

this

Linking Words

patiences

Correct your spelling

patients

will keep increasing which cause

Change preposition

apply

show examples

the climb up of the

treatment

Use synonyms

action needed.

Thus

Linking Words

, the money needed for

curement

Correct your spelling

cement

will never plummet

down

Change preposition

apply

show examples

In contrast

Linking Words

, by

educate

Change the verb form

educating

show examples

people about the things that cause the

problem

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, many can live a better way of living so that they can have

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

better

health

Use synonyms

condition

Fix the agreement mistake

conditions

show examples

This

Linking Words

practice has been clearly shown by the way of

Linking Words

this

Correct determiner usage

these

show examples

global communities when solving the COVID-19 outbreak.

Instead

Linking Words

of only curing the

patiences

Correct your spelling

patients

, they put a tremendous effort

to invent

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into inventing

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a vaccine so that people will not get sick

eventhough

Correct your spelling

even though

they get attacked by the

corona virus

Correct your spelling

coronavirus

show examples

Thus

Linking Words

, no more people have COVID and no more money

needed

Add a missing verb

is needed

show examples

to cure them.

Secondly

Linking Words

, to my way of thinking, solving a

problem

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must be from its root, so that it will not

happens

Change the verb form

happen

show examples

again in the

future

Use synonyms

By giving

Change preposition

Giving

show examples

Remove the article

apply

show examples

educational

health

Use synonyms

to society,

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

will, by itself,

cancel

Verb problem

prevent

show examples

the disease

to be happened

Wrong verb form

from happening

show examples

again in the

future

Use synonyms

For instance

Linking Words

, stunting has always been a major

problem

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in some developing countries. If the policy only

focus

Correct subject-verb agreement

focuses

show examples

on overcoming the stunting

babies

Change preposition

of babies

show examples

exist

Verb problem

apply

show examples

, the number of

Linking Words

this

Correct determiner usage

apply

show examples

case

Fix the agreement mistake

cases

show examples

will definitely

constant

Add a missing verb

be constant

show examples

or even worse in the

future

Use synonyms

. Parents keep giving birth to stunting babies. But, by improving the mother's knowledge about stunting, they can help themselves to have a healthy baby and teach their

future

Use synonyms

kids about how to be a healthy pregnant mom.

Therefore

Linking Words

, no more stunting

case

Fix the agreement mistake

cases

show examples

will be found in the next generation. To recapitulate, I strongly support the idea of allocating more funds

Change preposition

show examples

health

Use synonyms

education and prevention measures. Not only because it will more efficiently

safe

Replace the word

save

show examples

the budget, but

also

Linking Words

can prevent the next generations from having the same

problem

Use synonyms

as now.

Submitted by maukaburtubel on Sat Jan 13 2024

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task achievement

Your essay shows an understanding of the question, but the development of your ideas could be more detailed. Ensure that your argument extends beyond repeating the same idea in different words. Provide further explanation, depth, and development to your main points to enhance task achievement.

coherence cohesion

The logical sequence of your essay is generally clear but occasionally disrupted. Consider using a wider range of cohesive devices and topic-specific vocabulary to improve the flow of the essay. Use paragraphing to organize ideas more effectively, ensuring that each paragraph has a clear central theme which is expanded with evidence or examples.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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12
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
36
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

451 words

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Out of a country’s health budget, a large proportion should be diverted from treatment to spending on health education and prevention measures. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

The tendency of news reports in the media to focus more on problems and emergencies than on positive development is harm to the individuals and the society as a whole.To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Family members and friends caring for elderly people find it hard to spend enough time looking after them. What are the causes of this problem? What solutions can you suggest?

Some people say that economic growth is the only way to end hunger and poverty, while others say that economic growth is damaging the environment so it must be stopped. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

The pictures below show how tea is produced. They also illustrate the process of making a cup of tea. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features.