IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

IELTS The line graph illustrates the proportion of tourists who visited Brighton attractions in England from 1980 to 2010.

IELTS The line graph illustrates the proportion of tourists who visited Brighton attractions in England from 1980 to 2010.
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Percentage
Correct article usage
The percentage
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 of
tourists
Use synonyms
visited
Wrong verb form
visiting
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 Brighton attractions in England is described in the line graph above. Mentioned there are 4
kind
Change to a plural noun
kinds
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 of amusement in Brighton, i.e. Art Gallery, Pavilion, Pier, and Festival. Illustrated in
Add an article
the color
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color
Change the spelling
colour
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of
Change preposition
apply
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blue, orange,
gray
Change the spelling
grey
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 and yellow respectively. The chart
showed
Wrong verb form
shows
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 the number of
tourists
Use synonyms
 in 5 yearly from 1980 up until 2010. The most visited places are
differ
Replace the word
different
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,
started
Wrong verb form
starting
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 from the festival back in 1980 leading by 30%.
This
Linking Words
 was the only time
tourists
Use synonyms
 visited
festival
Correct article usage
the festival
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 the most, as we can see in the yellow line that after a slight decline in 1985, the numbers considerably stabile in approximately 25-28%. Followed by
art
Add an article
an art
the art
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 gallery, in 1985, there was a peak number of visitors enjoying the craft show. Leading in about 38% of the visitors, fairly contrast with other entertainment on the same year.
However
Linking Words
, the following year has been hard for the art gallery to
be
Verb problem
become
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 everyone's
favorite
Change the spelling
favourite
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. There was a significant decline by 1990 down to 20%,
proceed
Wrong verb form
proceeding
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 to a plateau in the next decade,
then
Linking Words
 another
declining years
Wrong verb form
decline
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 until 2010.
Finally
Linking Words
, the most
enjoyed
Replace the word
enjoyable
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 part of Brighton was the Pavilion. Despite its own fluctuations number, it still
leading
Wrong verb form
led
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 up until 2010.
While
Linking Words
 on the other side, Pier, was the least attraction visited by the
tourists
Use synonyms
. That being said, Pier was consistently the least interesting side of
this
Linking Words
 entertainment area.
While
Linking Words
 Pavilion has been the
people
Change noun form
people's
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favorites
Fix the agreement mistake
favorite
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since
Change preposition
for
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 the
last
Linking Words
 two decades.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Basic structure: Change the fifth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words tourists with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "showed" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decline" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
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