Some people think that older school children should learn a wide range of subjects to acquire more knowledge, while other people believe they should learn a small number of subjects in details. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #school #children #range #subjects

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?

Recently, the phenomenon of

education

has become a heated debate,on one

hand

Add the comma(s)

hand,

show examples

some people believe that

quantety

Correct your spelling

quantity

imoprtant

Correct your spelling

important

while

on the other

hand

Add a comma

hand,

show examples

we see that

guality

Correct your spelling

quality

is the concern of

peple

Correct your spelling

people

toward

Change preposition

about

show examples

students.I reckon that

kowing

Correct your spelling

knowing

less

subject

,but in

details

Fix the agreement mistake

detail

show examples

is a plus for tutors ,

also

I intend to

discus

Correct your spelling

discuss

show examples

both views throughout

this

essay . In the realm of

science

Add a comma

science,

show examples

the

prosses

Correct your spelling

process

show examples

of learning should be in a

spesific

Correct your spelling

specific

line

according to

the

students

Change to a genitive case

student's

students'

show examples

age . In

fact

Add a comma

fact,

show examples

it is essential to teach them some

ecpesial

Correct your spelling

special

subjet

Correct your spelling

subject

show examples

but in

details

Fix the agreement mistake

detail

show examples

and let the child learn more

subject

Fix the agreement mistake

subjects

show examples

by the time pass and they

became

Wrong verb form

become

show examples

older inasmuch as

barelt

Correct your spelling

barely

barrel

can they obey district

diciplines

Correct your spelling

disciplines

leaning

Correct your spelling

learning

show examples

varius

Correct your spelling

various

subjects.

This

kind of learning would be an ideal

metod

Correct your spelling

method

of learning when people are younger .For

instant

Add an article

an instant

show examples

, when I was younger I could not learn various issues but as I

become

Wrong verb form

became

show examples

older

The

Change the word

show examples

ability

of learning

Replace the preposition

to learn

show examples

different

matter

Fix the agreement mistake

matters

show examples

get

Wrong verb form

got

show examples

stronger .

Consequently

, I totally agree that teaching younger

have

Change the verb form

has

show examples

its own

decipline

Correct your spelling

discipline

and rule and we should not be harsh on them by forcing

Correct pronoun usage

them to

show examples

learn

varios

Correct your spelling

various

kind

Fix the agreement mistake

kinds

show examples

subject

Fix the agreement mistake

subjects

show examples

inorder

Correct your spelling

in order

show examples

to prevent hurting them . From a social stand point the

proses

Correct your spelling

process

show examples

of learning can be a

majar

Correct your spelling

major

concern of all families

due to

the fact that

future

Correct article usage

the future

show examples

is in

hands

Correct article usage

the hands

show examples

of offspring ;

therefor

Correct your spelling

therefore

show examples

society

try

Correct subject-verb agreement

tries

show examples

to teach them as

much

Fix the agreement mistake

many subjects

show examples

subject

as they can memorise in a

spesific

Correct your spelling

specific

time to boost their maind capacity for learn more

subject

in future and gain more revenue by their knowledge .

Accordingly

Add a comma

Accordingly,

show examples

some people believe that quantity is the most significant

feacher

Correct your spelling

factor

in offspring

edjucation

Correct your spelling

education

Consequently

,It is crystal clear that

education

is one of the most significant

part

Change to a plural noun

parts

show examples

Remove the article

apply

show examples

child

Change noun form

child's

show examples

life ,indeed not only the

guantity

Correct your spelling

quantity

but

also

the quality of

education

would be important ;

as a result

despite the

diffrence

Correct your spelling

difference

differences

among

peoples

Fix the agreement mistake

people

show examples

atituade

Correct your spelling

attitude

we should do our best to boost

education

in order to

garente

Correct your spelling

guarantee

future.

Submitted by sajad.bazdar.2012 on Sun Jan 14 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement

Your essay does not fully address all parts of the task. There is an unclear position throughout the response with an ineffective conclusion that doesn't summarize your main points or restate your opinion clearly. To improve, always address both views of the argument and provide a clear opinion.

coherence and cohesion

Your essay lacks clarity in the logical progression of ideas. There are multiple spelling and grammatical errors as well as misused words ('majer,' 'garente,' 'offspring'), that can impede understanding. Ensure that you use transition words and phrases to help the reader follow your argument. Revise your work to correct errors and improve clarity.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
57
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

328 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

Topic Vocabulary:

holistic education
cross-disciplinary
premature specialization
well-rounded personality
depth of knowledge
mastery
cognitive overload
expertise
academic achievements
tailored education
informed choices
specializations
adaptability
flexibility
foundational knowledge

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

5
band
It is thought by some that it is better to live in a city while others believe that life is better in the countryside. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.
Nowadays, people have different views about where is the better place for inhibiting. While some believe that living in their city is better, others argued that counteryside is better for living. However, I side with the latter view because living in the villages is better for strength than city life.
7.5
band
In recent years, there has been a rise in the use of performance-enhancing drugs in sports. What are the consequences of doping for athletes? What measures should be taken to combat this issue?
It is true that in some places of the world, the number of athletes who use dope is increasing considerably due to the narrow competition between them and, of course, because of their ambitions of winning. This issue could lead to a multitude of negative consequences. However, measures can definitely be taken to tackle this problem.
<4
band
Government investment in the arts,such as music and theatre is a waste of money. Government must invest this money in public service instead. Do you agree or disagree.
Although some individual supposed that there is a waste of money for government to invest in arts, such as music and theatre, another group of people think government should use the money in public service instead. I am in complete agreement with the government must invest this money in public services as there are still lacking of public services such as education, healthcare and infrastructure for the functioning in the society.
5
band
Some people believe that because of modern technology, it is no longer necessary for people to learn handwriting skills, while others think that handwriting is still an important skill.
Some individuals think that because of the technology development, handwriting abilities are no longer as important as were, whilst others assume that handwriting skills are still vital. In my opinion, nowadays handwriting skills are not necessary and I will try to prove this.
4.5
band
In some countries, more and more people are becoming interested in finding out about the history of the house or building they live in. What are the reasons for this? How can people research this?
In recent years,in many cities,more and more people becoming interested in finding out about the history of the house or building they live in.Really,even in my hometown-small city named Zharkent happen it.This situation has two big questions what are the reasons for this?and,How can people research this?In this essay, l am going to give you my opinion about it.

Some people think that older school children should learn a wide range of subjects to acquire more knowledge, while other people believe they should learn a small number of subjects in details. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Fully explain your ideas

It is thought by some that it is better to live in a city while others believe that life is better in the countryside. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

In recent years, there has been a rise in the use of performance-enhancing drugs in sports. What are the consequences of doping for athletes? What measures should be taken to combat this issue?

Government investment in the arts,such as music and theatre is a waste of money. Government must invest this money in public service instead. Do you agree or disagree.

Some people believe that because of modern technology, it is no longer necessary for people to learn handwriting skills, while others think that handwriting is still an important skill.

In some countries, more and more people are becoming interested in finding out about the history of the house or building they live in. What are the reasons for this? How can people research this?