In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?
There is no denying the fact that
due to
the rapid technological revolution, which impacted the cities
around the world in the first place, this
huge improvement has encouraged rural people to move to cities
.
While
it is a commonly held belief that this
case is a positive development
, there is also
an argument that opposes it. In my opinion, I consider that this
phenomenon is definitely a good development
.
To begin
with, there are many reasons behind this
case. Firstly
, the
technological rapid Correct article usage
apply
development
has impacted cities
more than rural places
. In other words
, it makes different aspects of our lives thrive, such
as the industry sector. In addition
, as a result
of this
evolvement; various kinds of new opportunities have been established. For example
, some positions, which
related to artificial intelligence have been published with great salaries, and Correct pronoun usage
apply
this
for sure will encourage talented people from rural places
to move.
Another point to consider is that the increasing population in cities
will make the technological life-wheel
Correct your spelling
life wheel
rolls
over faster. It is Correct subject-verb agreement
roll
also
possible to say that this
will help our digital world develop even more. Moreover
, people will gain a better living level; and more convenient living than in suburbs or villages. For instance
, it will be more comfortable for you to sit on
your office; and program Change preposition
in
a
software rather than standing whole the day under the sun working Correct article usage
apply
in
a farm.
Change preposition
on
However
, there are also
some negatives about leaving rural places
. There will be a lack of workers on farms, as well as
there will not be enough working-hands
to take care of cows and goats, which can be considered Correct your spelling
working hands
as
the main resource of milk and its products.
In conclusion, there are many positive sides Change preposition
apply
of
moving to Change preposition
to
cities
, it is also
true that this
movement has some negative sides. Personally, I believe that the increasing of
Change preposition
apply
the
population in the cityside is a positive Correct article usage
apply
development
, however
, we should make a balance to make sure we will not affect rural places
badly.Submitted by shaymaa.khalaf91 on
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Task Achievement
It's clear you have a position on the topic, but to reach a higher score, you need to ensure that your essay fully addresses all parts of the task with an equal development throughout. For instance, while you do talk about the negative sides of the rural to urban migration, elaborating more on this aspect would create a more balanced discussion and a more complete response to the question posed.
Coherence & Cohesion
You made a fair attempt to organize your ideas logically and each paragraph dealt with a separate main idea. To improve, ensure that your ideas are not only presented but also expanded upon with explanations or examples for clarity and depth. Occasional lapses in coherence occur, but these do not impede comprehension.
Coherence and Cohesion
When supporting your main points, use more specific and detailed examples to strengthen your argument. General statements are less impactful without concrete evidence or illustrations to back them up.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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