The bar chart below gives information about thenumber of studnets studying Computer Science at a UK university between 2010 and 2012

The bar chart below gives information about thenumber of studnets studying Computer Science at a UK university between 2010 and 2012
the bar chart illustrates the data about
proportion
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the proportion
show examples
of school
students
and comparing
betewwn
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between
Home
and International those who
are attending
Wrong verb form
attended
show examples
Computer Science at UK
unversity
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university
between
a
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the
show examples
year
of
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apply
show examples
2010 and 2012.
Overall
, men
from
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of
show examples
home
British
students
was fluctuated
Change to the active voice
fluctuated
has fluctuated
show examples
while
overseas
students
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
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slightly increased.
On the other hand
, women
form
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from
show examples
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
participating
Verb problem
are
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huge
Correct article usage
a huge
show examples
proportion
than
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of
show examples
International
students
.
To begin
with, in 2010
Home
students
were 39
percentage
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per cent
show examples
from their
home
Fix the agreement mistake
homes
show examples
, whilst 20% for international
students
.
However
, in 2011 they both are the same level at 23%
while
home
school learner was
droped
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dropped
. Overseas
students
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
increased in 2012 at 34% and
home
students
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
top at 43% from the
oveall
Correct your spelling
overall
of men school trainers.
On the other hand
, women
form
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from
show examples
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
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more
attractive
Replace the word
attracted
show examples
to participating in
this
major,
start
Wrong verb form
starting
show examples
at 32% in 2010, which huge amount
different
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difference
show examples
between overseas and
home
kids. whilst, overseas
students
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
slghtly
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slightly
increased
to
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apply
show examples
enrolling
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on this
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this majors
Change the determiner
this major
these majors
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in 2011 and 2012. In
last
Correct article usage
the last
show examples
two years,
Home
students
were
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
same position
at
Change preposition
as
show examples
45 % of
students
.
Submitted by Chaiyapat Soka on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "on the other hand, while".
Vocabulary: Replace the words students, home with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 3 times.
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