Most countries want to improve the standard of living through economic development, however, others think social value is lost as a result. Do you think the advantages of economic development outweigh the disadvantages?
It is true that most countries concentrate on promoting the
development
of Use synonyms
economy
to improve Add an article
the economy
well-being
of citizens. Add an article
the well-being
While
I admit that there might be some negative consequences to Linking Words
maintain
Wrong verb form
maintaining
social
Add an article
the social
value
of Use synonyms
this
trend, I highly agree the benefits of prompting economic Linking Words
development
Use synonyms
outweighs
its drawbacks.
I am in Correct subject-verb agreement
outweigh
favor
of that economic Change the spelling
favour
development
Use synonyms
is
the prerequisite to Correct your spelling
as
maintain
Wrong verb form
maintaining
society
Change noun form
society's
Use synonyms
value
, which is related to our mindset. Fix the agreement mistake
values
First,
Linking Words
according to
the demand theory of Maslo, only when the basic material needs are met, they Linking Words
would
consider the demand Verb problem
apply
of
mental Change preposition
for
value
. Use synonyms
For example
, if Linking Words
the
basic Correct article usage
apply
Use synonyms
foods
and water can not be ensured in rural Fix the agreement mistake
food
area
, local people in poverty might Fix the agreement mistake
areas
conduct
crimes for Verb problem
commit
Use synonyms
foods
to survive. The sense of insecurity makes it hard for them to think about the meaning of social Fix the agreement mistake
food
value
. Use synonyms
Second,
technology has been rapidly upgraded Linking Words
along with
Linking Words
the
economic Correct article usage
apply
development
, contributing to lower expenditure for people to buy a cell phone or Television, meaning that it is easy for Use synonyms
government
to spread correct social Add an article
the government
value
nowadays. Compared to those in Use synonyms
previous
period, young children can be educated Add an article
the previous
correct
social Change preposition
on correct
Use synonyms
value
via attractive format when they are scrolling down TikTok videos in the friction of time. Fix the agreement mistake
values
Therefore
, to maintain and Linking Words
propaganda
social Correct your spelling
propagate
value
, economic Use synonyms
development
is indispensable.
Use synonyms
However
, I understand that critics argue that social Linking Words
value
would be lost with rapid economic Use synonyms
development
. Some profit-oriented companies frequently sell unhealthy Use synonyms
foods
and even counterfeit Use synonyms
foods
to Use synonyms
Correct article usage
the publics
publics
. Fix the agreement mistake
public
For instance
, some fast-food restaurants in China have been complained Linking Words
by
consumers about selling pre-progressing eggs, a type of artificial product to public health. Change preposition
about by
Moreover
, Linking Words
public
Correct article usage
the public
sectors
might not make investments to build or renovate art-related constructions, which would inevitably bring minimum financial benefits to society. Fix the agreement mistake
sector
However
, artworks in our cities, Linking Words
such
as Linking Words
statue
and some historical buildings, manifest the cultural heritage of our country. Demolishing the buildings to build Fix the agreement mistake
statues
skyscraper
to promote economic Fix the agreement mistake
skyscrapers
development
will do harm to extending our national civilization.
In conclusion, Use synonyms
while
I understand Linking Words
only
pursuing economic Correct word choice
that only
development
to improve Use synonyms
standard
of living has brought some potential problems, I consider economic Add an article
the standard
development
Use synonyms
is
the prerequisite to Wrong verb form
to be
maintain
social Wrong verb form
maintaining
value
.Use synonyms
Submitted by erminelyu on
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Coherence & Cohesion
You've organized your essay into paragraphs with appropriate transitions which aids the logical flow of the essay. However, to improve the logical structure, make sure each paragraph has a clear central idea that is developed, rather than introducing several ideas. Keep your writing more focused on one or two main points per paragraph.
Coherence & Cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are both present, which is good. Nonetheless, the introduction could be enhanced by providing a clearer thesis statement, and the conclusion would benefit from succinctly summarizing your main points rather than adding new ideas or restating the prompt.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your main points are supported with explanations, and occasionally with examples, which is commendable. However, providing more specific, varied examples could strengthen your arguments and support your main points even further.
Task Achievement
Your response to the task is complete; you addressed all parts of the prompt in a balanced way. Remember to maintain this balanced approach throughout your essay to fully satisfy the task achievement criteria.
Task Achievement
Your essay presents clear and comprehensive ideas on the topic of economic development versus social values, which is excellent. To further improve, make sure that these ideas are consistently relevant to the question throughout the essay, avoiding tangential or loosely related content.
Task Achievement
You have included relevant examples to back up your points which is good, but you could include a wider range of examples, demonstrating the effects of economic development on social values both positively and negatively.
Include an introduction and conclusion
A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.
The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.
The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:
- Summary
- Restatement of thesis
- Prediction or recommendation
Example:
To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.
Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:
- In conclusion
- To conclude
- To summarize
- Finally
- In a nutshell
- In general