The government’s investment in arts, music and theatre is a waste of money. Government should invest these funds in public services instead. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

The
growth
of the
counrty
Correct your spelling
country
is accompanied by the actions taken by the
government
. The
country
's economy solely depends on the investments made by
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
government
professionals.
Although
investing in arts, music and theatre will maintain the culture and tradition of the
country
, it is important that the public gains
services
which would add more value to the
country
's exponential
growth
. In
this
essay, I will point out
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
reasons to point out my agreement towards the funds of the
government
from which the public could benefit. A
country
's
growth
is influenced by the
government
's investment
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
public
services
. A wide range of traditions and
culture
Fix the agreement mistake
cultures
show examples
attract tourists,
furthermore
Correct pronoun usage
which furthermore
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beneficial to the
country
,
likewise
, it is apt for the public to have a quality of life
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
which the
government
is responsible.
For instance
, rural
population
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populations
show examples
are devoid of a good quality of life and health care. There are no facilities in the hospitals for the rural people in case of emergency. Hospitals lack
equipments
Change the wording
equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
show examples
and it
is solely depends
Change the verb form
solely depends
show examples
on the duty of the
government
to provide the people of the
country
with well
equiped
Correct your spelling
equipped
hospitals and proper
health care
Correct your spelling
healthcare
show examples
sectors.
On the other hand
, the roadways in a
country
should be properly maintained by the
government
.
Due to
high traffic, the commute to
work place
Correct your spelling
workplace
show examples
becomes hectic and the atmosphere is highly air-polluted. In order to
improvise
Verb problem
improve
show examples
the well-being of
human kind
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humankind
show examples
in
this
modern era public
services
would be beneficial to the pupils.
For example
,
Correct article usage
the constrution
show examples
constrution
Correct your spelling
construction
of the metro lines to avoid traffic and pollution
furthermore
,
this
declines the causes of lung disease and improves the quality of life. In conclusion, it is important for the
government
to invest in public
services
more than
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
cultural artefacts.
Consequently
,
this
helps in the
growth
of the
country
and improves the livelihood of the individuals.
Submitted by smrithi.joseph25 on

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coherence cohesion
The essay demonstrates a basic level of coherence and cohesion with an identifiable structure, though transitions could be smoother and the logical flow could be improved. Introduction and conclusion are present but offer limited clarity and might benefit from sharper thesis statements and summary of key points. Paragraphing is adequate, although development of ideas can be more sophisticated.
task achievement
The response to the task partially meets the requirements of the task. A clear position is maintained throughout the essay, however, both sides of the argument are not fully explored, and the depth of explanation for each point is somewhat lacking. The engagement with the specifics of the task is fair, but certain ideas lack development, and personalized examples would strengthen the argument. The essay requires more expansion on points to demonstrate a full understanding of the task.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cultural heritage
  • Economic stimulus
  • Civic engagement
  • Cultural diplomacy
  • Innovation
  • Austerity measures
  • Quality of life
  • Multifaceted
  • Opportunity cost
  • Tangible vs. intangible benefits
  • Fiscal responsibility
  • Cultural capital
  • Interdisciplinary collaboration
  • Public policy
  • Socioeconomic factors
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