IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The government’s investment in arts, music and theatre is a waste of money. Government should invest these funds in public services instead. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

#government’s #investment #arts #music #theatre #waste #money #government #funds #services
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The
growth
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 of the
counrty
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country
 is accompanied by the actions taken by the
government
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. The
country
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's economy solely depends on the investments made by
the
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apply
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government
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 professionals.
Although
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 investing in arts, music and theatre will maintain the culture and tradition of the
country
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, it is important that the public gains
services
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 which would add more value to the
country
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's exponential
growth
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. In
this
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 essay, I will point out
few
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a few
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 reasons to point out my agreement towards the funds of the
government
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 from which the public could benefit. A
country
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's
growth
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 is influenced by the
government
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's investment
on
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in
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 public
services
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. A wide range of traditions and
culture
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cultures
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 attract tourists,
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furthermore
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which furthermore
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 beneficial to the
country
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,
likewise
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, it is apt for the public to have a quality of life
to
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for
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 which the
government
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 is responsible.
For instance
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, rural
population
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populations
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 are devoid of a good quality of life and health care. There are no facilities in the hospitals for the rural people in case of emergency. Hospitals lack
equipments
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equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
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 and it
is solely depends
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solely depends
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 on the duty of the
government
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 to provide the people of the
country
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 with well
equiped
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equipped
 hospitals and proper
health care
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healthcare
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 sectors.
On the other hand
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, the roadways in a
country
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 should be properly maintained by the
government
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.
Due to
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 high traffic, the commute to
work place
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workplace
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 becomes hectic and the atmosphere is highly air-polluted. In order to
improvise
Verb problem
improve
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 the well-being of
human kind
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humankind
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 in
this
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 modern era public
services
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 would be beneficial to the pupils.
For example
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,
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the constrution
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constrution
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construction
 of the metro lines to avoid traffic and pollution
furthermore
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,
this
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 declines the causes of lung disease and improves the quality of life. In conclusion, it is important for the
government
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 to invest in public
services
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 more than
the
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apply
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cultural artefacts.
Consequently
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,
this
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 helps in the
growth
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 of the
country
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 and improves the livelihood of the individuals.
Submitted by smrithi.joseph25 on

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coherence cohesion
The essay demonstrates a basic level of coherence and cohesion with an identifiable structure, though transitions could be smoother and the logical flow could be improved. Introduction and conclusion are present but offer limited clarity and might benefit from sharper thesis statements and summary of key points. Paragraphing is adequate, although development of ideas can be more sophisticated.
task achievement
The response to the task partially meets the requirements of the task. A clear position is maintained throughout the essay, however, both sides of the argument are not fully explored, and the depth of explanation for each point is somewhat lacking. The engagement with the specifics of the task is fair, but certain ideas lack development, and personalized examples would strengthen the argument. The essay requires more expansion on points to demonstrate a full understanding of the task.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cultural heritage
  • Economic stimulus
  • Civic engagement
  • Cultural diplomacy
  • Innovation
  • Austerity measures
  • Quality of life
  • Multifaceted
  • Opportunity cost
  • Tangible vs. intangible benefits
  • Fiscal responsibility
  • Cultural capital
  • Interdisciplinary collaboration
  • Public policy
  • Socioeconomic factors
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