IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The charts show the percentage of people working in different sectors in town A and B in two years, 1960 and 2010.

The charts show the percentage of people working in different sectors in town A and B in two years, 1960 and 2010.
#show #percentage #people #sectors #town #b #two #years
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The pie charts illustrate the proportion of people working in three different
sectore
Correct your spelling
sectors
sector
 include manufacturing, Sales and
services
Use synonyms
 in
town
Use synonyms
 A and
town
Use synonyms
 B in 1960
and2010
Correct your spelling
and 2010
.
overall
Linking Words
, The maximum was
town
Use synonyms
 A in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
manufacturing in 1960,
while
Linking Words
 in 2010, the maximum
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
was in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
services
Use synonyms
.
By contrast
Linking Words
, in 1960 and 2010, the highest proportion in
town
Use synonyms
 B was in industry. In
Use synonyms
town
Add a comma
town,
show examples
 A,
Use synonyms
services
Correct article usage
the services
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
percentage rose by 45% over the two years to reach 64% in 2010.
wherease
Correct your spelling
whereas
, in sale and manufacture were 30% and 40%
respictively
Correct your spelling
respectively
 in 1960,
also
Linking Words
 in 2010, these were 16% and 20%
respictively
Correct your spelling
respectively
. In
town
Use synonyms
 B, there was
Correct article usage
an increased
show examples
increased
Replace the word
increase
show examples
 in sales stood at around 2% and
Use synonyms
services
Correct article usage
the services
show examples
 sector stood at 15% in 1960
and2016
Correct your spelling
and 2016
.
Another
Fix the agreement mistake
On the other
show examples
 hand, manufactures
was
Verb problem
apply
show examples
fall
Replace the word
fell
show examples
of
Change preposition
by
show examples
 around 12% over
that
Correct determiner usage
those
show examples
 two years.
Submitted by amal.aljohani94 on

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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words services, town with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "stood" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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