IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

In many countries, smoking is now illegal in public places. Many people believe that such a ban is justified. Do you agree or disagree?

#countries #places #people #ban
Nowadays, in the majority of nations, smoking has been banned in public places
such
 as parks, gardens, hospitals and restaurants. And it has a strong backbone by the law. In
this
 essay, I totally agree with
this
 perspective because it reduces the harmful effects of passive smoking and encourages
people
 who are addicted to smoking to quit. On the one hand, the reason that it the illegal to
smoke
 in open places is because cigarette
smoke
 can lead
people
 to develop diseases related to second-hand
smoke
. Passive smoking is something that non-smokers cannot avoid when they are in front of a smoker.
Thus
, inhaled
smoke
 can cause innocent
people
 who do not
smoke
suffering
Change the verb form
to suffer
show examples
 from respiratory diseases
such
 as lung cancer and asthma.
For example
, a decade ago England citizens
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
suffered from lung cancer problems but the majority of patients were non-smokers.
Therefore
, the UK government enforced
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 strong law
of
Change preposition
against
show examples
 smoking cigarettes.
Consequently
, there was a significant decline in the above diseases leading many countries to adopt similar measures.
On the other hand
, prohibiting smoking in public areas can cause
people
 who are addicted to
smoke
 to give up smoking. Because, when smoking becomes illegal, smokers will encounter discrimination
such
 as criticism or look down upon by other citizens, so
this
 is an excellent motivation to quit.
For instance
, if they had social pressure about smoking they were given more encouragement to be ex-smokers since they can not tolerate the pressure from the public. Eventually, they can give up the habit and attain a healthier body. In conclusion,
this
 essay believes that banning
smoke
 in public is a rational way to prevent
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
non smokers
Add a hyphen
non-smokers
show examples
 inhale accidentally and can favourably avoid
smoke
 in open places. And
also
can encourage
Wrong verb form
encourages
show examples
 the smoker
away
Change preposition
to away
show examples
 from cigarettes.
Submitted by haixiuxiaonini on

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Grammar
Review subject-verb agreement for accuracy. e.g., 'it the illegal to smoke in open places is because cigarette smoke can lead people...' could be revised.
Style
Consider varying your sentence structure to enhance readability and interest. Using a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences can make your essay more engaging.
Grammar
Cross-check articles ('a', 'an', 'the') for correctness and completeness throughout your essay.
Spelling
Pay attention to spelling and minor typing errors to ensure clarity. For instance, 'given more encouragement to be ex-smokers...' could be 'given more encouragement to become ex-smokers...'
Content
Provides a clear viewpoint on the issue, demonstrating task achievement.
Content
Uses relevant examples to support main points, enhancing the argument's effectiveness.
Structure
Logical progression of ideas contributes to the coherence and cohesion of the essay.
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