Big salary is much more important than job satisfaction. Do you agree or disagree?

People
often think that having a
job
with a high wage is more crucial than getting
job
satisfaction. In my opinion, I completely agree with
this
opinion for several reasons, which will be deliberated in the forthcoming paragraph.
To begin
with, I believe that
people
with high salaries need to
fulfill
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fulfil
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their
necessity
Fix the agreement mistake
necessities
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with the best quality and can
also
do their hobby as much as they want.
While
being realistic, we know that primary things cost a lot of money nowadays
due to
inflation and will continue for years.
For example
, diapers and baby milk are so expensive but the parents have to buy
the
Correct article usage
apply
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suitable,
in
Correct pronoun usage
ones in
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order to make
a
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the
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best growth for the baby.
In addition
, with a large amount of money,
people
can do many fun things or their hobby to relieve
their
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the
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stress that they get from heavy work. As a case in point, every time
people
get off from work, they can get their favorite dish or cakes as a
self-reward
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reward
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for them.
Lastly
, doing a
high salary
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high-salary
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job
can keep you motivated and
leads
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lead
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to career growth.
People
with high wages tend to be motivated to work even harder and wholeheartedly.
Subsequently
, it leads to a better result and productivity.
For instance
, in Indonesia, a lot of young
people
majoring in education look for a
job
that isn't linear with their major
due to
the fact that the other fields offer a higher salary, and it makes them motivated to be an expert in that field, so they can get a better career.
To conclude
, I strongly believe that a high salary is more vital than
job
satisfaction because they need to
fulfill
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fulfil
show examples
their necessity and hobby as well and keep them motivated.
Submitted by writingielts0 on

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task achievement
The essay introduction could be strengthened by directly responding to the prompt without adding excess baggage. Your introduction should clearly state your opinion in response to the given topic for maximum clarity. Avoid including arguments or examples in the introduction.
coherence cohesion
Use a wider range of cohesive devices and paragraphing effectively to structure your argument. While there is a discernible structure, you could improve your essay by clearly marking topic sentences and subsequent supporting sentences within your paragraphs.
task achievement
Provide a fuller development of your ideas. Each paragraph should focus on a single main idea and be clearly elaborated with examples and supporting details. Ensure that your examples directly support the point you are trying to make for each paragraph.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • remuneration
  • financial security
  • motivation
  • luxuries
  • material possessions
  • fulfillment
  • work-life balance
  • stress levels
  • mental well-being
  • job security
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