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Writing Samples
Band 7

The graphs below show the average daily hours of sunshine and the average monly temperature in Darwin and Melbourne. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparison where relevant.

The graphs below show the average daily hours of sunshine and the average monly temperature in Darwin and Melbourne. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparison where relevant.
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The table shows how
men
Use synonyms
 and
women
Use synonyms
 who were out of work
last
Linking Words
 year spent their time. The information is broken down into parts of the day and fourteen different
activities
Use synonyms
. First of all, it is interesting to note that the majority of both
men
Use synonyms
 and
women
Use synonyms
 who are unemployed are engaged in productive
activities
Use synonyms
 in the morning with 61% of
men
Use synonyms
 and 91% of
women
Use synonyms
 either shopping, trying to secure employment or doing housework, with
women
Use synonyms
 being twice as likely to do the latter in the afternoon.
However
Linking Words
, figures for the afternoon show that the unemployed devote more time to leisure
activities
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as watching television, visiting friends or reading. When looking at differences between genders it seems that
men
Use synonyms
 were more likely to be engaged
with
Change preposition
in
show examples
 home improvement, gardening or active pursuits
such
Linking Words
 as walking or taking part in sports. More sedentary
activities
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as staying in bed or sitting around were similar for both sexes. Twice the number of
men
Use synonyms
 than
women
Use synonyms
 spent their time drinking but
this
Linking Words
 still only accounted for a very small proportion.
Overall
Linking Words
, it appears that contrary to many stereotypical preconceptions of the unemployed both
men
Use synonyms
 and
women
Use synonyms
 do spend a proportion of each day on productive tasks with
their
Correct your spelling
there
show examples
 being some interesting differences between genders.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "such".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words men, women, activities with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "differences" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • average daily sunlight
  • average monthly temperature
  • comparison
  • seasonal variations
  • geographical location
  • tropical climate
  • temperate climate
  • weather patterns
  • Darwin
  • Melbourne
  • temperature fluctuations
  • maximum temperatures
  • minimum temperatures
  • sunlight hours
  • degree Celsius
  • bar chart
  • line graph
  • to fluctuate
  • peak sunlight/temperature
  • troughs in temperature
  • overcast days
  • climatic conditions
  • thermal range
  • extremes of weather
  • meteorological data
  • data interpretation
  • data summary
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