IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

: Some people believe government should spend money on building train and subway lines to reduce traffic congestion. Others think that building more and wider roads is the better way to reduce traffic congestion. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Traffic
Use synonyms
 congestion has become the bane of citizens in many parts of the world. In order to mitigate
this
Linking Words
 problem, some suggest that public transportation,
such
Linking Words
 as trains and subway lines should be constructed. Meanwhile, others are firm in their belief that building wider roads makes more sense. Both of these methods will be analysed below. On the one hand, building trains is an effective method to improve
traffic
Use synonyms
condition
Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
show examples
. There
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 compelling
evidences
Change the wording
evidence
pieces of evidence
shreds of evidence
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 to support the investment in public transportation. In countries where subway systems are up to standard, the number of private vehicles that participate in
traffic
Use synonyms
 is small, city dwellers can save hours of delay and
also
Linking Words
 thousands of dollars on traveling expenses.
That is
Linking Words
not to mention
Linking Words
 a significant number of gallons of fuel saved, which means slowing down the exploitation of natural resources. There are,
however
Linking Words
, others who express doubts
on
Change preposition
about
show examples
this
Linking Words
 approach. Their suggestion is that a better way to alleviate
traffic
Use synonyms
jam
Fix the agreement mistake
jams
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 is to make bigger road systems. The undeniable fact is that in many developing countries today, roads are narrow and in a desperate state of disrepair, which greatly
obstruct
Correct subject-verb agreement
obstructs
show examples
 the
travels
Fix the agreement mistake
travel
show examples
 to their destinations. Someone’s small
accidents
Fix the agreement mistake
accident
show examples
, a flat
tires
Fix the agreement mistake
tire
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for example
Linking Words
, can bring
traffic
Use synonyms
 to a halt, which is a commonly-seen problem
in
Change preposition
on
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 roads that have only two lanes.
To conclude
Linking Words
, both methods discussed above provide sustained relief on our roadways;
however
Linking Words
, it is my opinion that the method
to build
Change preposition
of building
show examples
 trains and
subway
Fix the agreement mistake
subways
show examples
 makes more sense in terms of environmental protection.

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coherence cohesion
You have structured the essay with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, but the logical flow can be improved by providing more explicit linking between these parts.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph opens with a clear topic sentence and closes with a sentence that summarizes or links back to the main argument.
task achievement
While you have generally addressed the task, making more detailed comparisons, and providing stronger personal opinion with justification could enhance the task achievement score.
task achievement
Give more specific and relevant examples to support your arguments, as this would make your essay sound more persuasive and grounded in real-world data.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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