IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

ome people believe government should spend money on building train and subway lines to reduce traffic congestion. Others think that building more and wider roads is the better way to reduce traffic congestion. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#ome #people #government #money #train #subway #lines #traffic #congestion #roads
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The high volume of
traffic
 is a huge problem for many big cities.
Therefore
, there is a widely held view among a number of people that governmental bodies should pour money
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
 building
such
 public transport systems as train and subway lines. Others,
however
, argue that
road
 expansion is the more proper way. To my mind, though widening streets benefits us,
this
 can not alleviate
traffic
 congestion. It is not by chance that developing public vehicles is considered one of the common approaches to
reduce
Wrong verb form
reducing
show examples
traffic
 jams.
To day
Correct your spelling
Today
show examples
, people have indeed used too many private vehicles whose disadvantages can be listed. The long line of cars at peak hours is a typical example, which may lead to lengthy delays.
This
 can
also
 cause other serious consequences
such
 as
traffic
 accidents.
Accordingly
, it is widely believed that building underground tunnels can solve heavy
traffic
 jams
due to
 empty spaces beneath the ground.
However
,
according to
 others,
road
 extension is a better alternative because
this
 solution does not demand more
efforts
Fix the agreement mistake
effort
show examples
.
Also
, extending
road
Fix the agreement mistake
roads
show examples
 does not seem as costly as developing underground transport systems. Another reason for
this
 is that bigger roads will create more spaces for vehicle owners, helping them to circulate easily during peak hours. By doing so,
traffic
 congestion can be alleviated. In my opinion,
road
 expansion is not a long-term measure because people tend to drive their vehicles regularly on newly widened streets.
In other words
,
traffic
 jams might continue to occur.
Therefore
,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 should take other solutions into consideration for safer transportation
Submitted by pandatvin3 on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay shows a basic structure with introductions and conclusions but lacks clear transitions and a logical flow in places. Try to use more cohesive devices and clearer topic sentences to ensure each paragraph flows neatly into the next.
task achievement
You addressed the topic, but the completeness of the response could be improved. Ensure you fully develop each point of view discussed, and don't forget to compare them before expressing your opinion. Your personal view also needs stronger justification.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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