Some people believe that time spent on television, video and computer games can be valuable for children. Others believe this has negative effects on a child. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Nowadays, is normally conceived for people, specifically family members that time spent in various broadcasting media
such
as television, YouTube videos and PC gaming have strongly
bonds with the well-growth of Change the adverb
strong
theirs
children. In opposite, there are people who Correct the word
their
claims
that these kind of resources limits Change the verb form
claim
its
integral health and intelligence and in consequence, deserve legal regulation or prohibition. In Correct pronoun usage
their
this
essay, this
positions are Change the determiner
these
showed
Wrong verb form
shown
out
and Change preposition
apply
an
personal opinion will be given.
Change the article
a
Firstly
, the way parents guide and care their
kids Change preposition
for their
have
been affected by the transformation of our world, capitalisms and globalization have connected most of the countries making them interact and Correct subject-verb agreement
has
mix
Wrong verb form
mixing
its
costumes and cultures. Correct pronoun usage
their
As a result
, most of the trends and ways of leisure births in TV channels, YouTubers and gamers. Thus
, as a social and rational animal that
human beingCorrect pronoun usage
apply
is
, boys and girls consider these media an attractive way to communicate and learn Unnecessary verb
apply
each
other. Change preposition
from each
Furthermore
, studies have proved that 80% of the guidance of infants are
made by babysitters or mentors Correct subject-verb agreement
is
whereas
their parents are working due to
extended job schedules. Hence
, progenitors trust the growth of their prole to these kind
of media.
Change the determiner
this kind
these kinds
In
the other hand, more conscious forerunners are aware of the hazards involved with the use of TV, videos, and PC games as a good way for their Change preposition
On
descendent
Correct your spelling
descendants
spend
Fix the infinitive
to spend
the
time. Particularly, with people who are not prepared Correct article usage
apply
in
Change preposition
for
the
teaching or even worse, any pedagogical skills. Correct article usage
apply
As a consequence
, a bad knowledge of the infants could be a problem in front of the school life. It should be note
, that anyone knows the real intentions of a person behind the screen. These factors Change the verb form
be noted
concerns
some fathers and mothers and are not quite convinced Change the verb form
concern
with
Change preposition
about
this
part.
To sum up
, two ways on the road that can't be assumed as the better, each counterpart has pros and cons, but for me is crucial taking
Wrong verb form
to take
in
Change preposition
into
count
both sides because of the current mode of living, is impossible to obliterate technological Correct your spelling
account
communicating
and gaming. But is mandatory for the progenitors Replace the word
communication
Fix the infinitive
to instill
instill
the benefits and consequences and Change the spelling
instil
stablish
schedules for their use. Remember that love is the strongest tool for the Correct your spelling
establish
well
behavior and growth of a human being.Change the adverb
good
Submitted by natalyrau13 on
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coherence cohesion
You should ensure each paragraph focuses on one main idea. The essay included multiple ideas within paragraphs without clear delineation, which affected coherence.
coherence cohesion
Your usage of the essay structure includes an introduction and conclusion, which is positive. However, the content within them should more explicitly state your position and summarise the main points discussed.
coherence cohesion
Support your main points with clear, specific examples. The essay provides general statements without concrete examples to illustrate the points being made.
task achievement
You have addressed the task and attempted to cover both views and your own opinion. Aim to explore these views with more depth and clarity.
task achievement
Clarify your ideas to ensure the reader can easily follow your argument. Avoid vague or confusing sentences that make comprehension difficult.
task achievement
Include examples that are directly relevant to the argument you're making. This will help to satisfy task requirements and demonstrate a range of language skills.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.