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Writing Samples
Band 5

The pie chart below shows the main reasons why agricultural land becomes less productive. The table shows how these causes affected three regions of the world during the 1990s. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The pie chart below shows the main reasons why agricultural land becomes less productive. The table shows how these causes affected three regions of the world during the 1990s. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The pie graph depicts the data about the factors
Correct pronoun usage
that led
show examples
led
Change the form of the verb
leading
show examples
 to
global
Add an article
a global
the global
show examples
 loss of
land
Use synonyms
 productivity,
while
Linking Words
 the table represents how these contributors had
impact
Add an article
an impact
show examples
 on three areas namely North America,Europe and Oceania(Australia and New Zealand).
Overall
Linking Words
,there are four sectors causing
land
Use synonyms
 erosion which are overplanting crops,cutting down the trees,other factors and over-grazing.Another important point is that Europe`s lands were particularly affected
from
Change preposition
by
show examples
 the mentioned treatments. Over
one-thirds
Correct your spelling
one-third
show examples
 of all causes
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
due to
Linking Words
 over-grazing,another 30%
caused
Add a missing verb
was caused
show examples
 by logging the forests and 28% came from over-cultivation,
remaining
Correct article usage
the remaining
show examples
 7% was
brought
Verb problem
caused
show examples
 by other factors. About a quarter of total
land
Use synonyms
 in Europe was degraded
as a consequence
Linking Words
 of deforestation with 9.8% ,over-cultivation with 7,7% and over-grazing with 5,5% contribution making up 23%.
However
Linking Words
,in
Oceania
Add a comma
Oceania,
show examples
 over-planting crops had no effect on
land
Use synonyms
 degradation,
while
Linking Words
 logging the trees and over-grazing made 1,7% and 11,3% of the
land
Use synonyms
 degraded
accordingly
Linking Words
.In North America only 5% of the soil lost its productivity where 0,2% came from deforestation,3,3% from over-cultivation and 1,5% from over-grazing.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words land with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Pie chart
  • Table
  • Main features
  • Comparisons
  • Decreasing productivity
  • Reasons
  • Regional variations
  • Data
  • Summarize
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