IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

A lot of places in the world rely on tourism as a main source of income. Unfortunately, tourism can also be a source of problems if it is not managed correctly. Describe the advantages and disadvantages of tourism in the modern world. Do you think that the benefits of tourism outweigh its drawbacks? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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There are many countries across the world in which
tourism
Use synonyms
 represents the main economic income.
As a
Change preposition
A
show examples
 possible explanation
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
this
Linking Words
, could be the fact that these places have a huge source of natural beauty wealth, despite other low development in other areas
such
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 as
,
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apply
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internacional
Correct your spelling
international
 trade, service sector, export and others.
Nonetheless
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,
rely
Change the form of the verb
relying
show examples
 on
Use synonyms
tourism
Correct article usage
the tourism
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 market to support the economic panorama of a
place
Use synonyms
, can make it tackle some problems. Many advantages can be listed by fostering
people
Use synonyms
 to
visite
Correct your spelling
visit
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 a
touristic
Replace the word
tourist
show examples
place
Use synonyms
. Through
this
Linking Words
, it is possible
disseminate
Add the particle
to disseminate
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 information about the local culture, foment the market and create job opportunities.
Thus
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, the activity can amplify
social
Correct article usage
the social
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 and
economically
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economic
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 the
place
Use synonyms
's perspective. In my region,
for instance
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, there are restaurants on the riverside which are known for having visitors from diverse parts of the globe.
However
Linking Words
, there are many drawbacks related to the
activety
Correct your spelling
activity
 as well. Seasonality,
for instance
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, is an important aspect to be considered. A
place
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 that cannot count on other incomes from another sector will struggle
in managing
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to manage
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the
Change the word
its
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 finances.
Besides
Linking Words
 that, adversities are able to occur and cause interference
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
tourism
Use synonyms
 exploitation.
For example
Linking Words
, in 2020 the world dealt with the Covid-19 pandemic, which made
people
Use synonyms
 locked down for many months.
As a result
Linking Words
, a bunch of
entrepeneurs
Correct your spelling
entrepreneurs
 who had their business related to
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people
Change noun form
people's
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 visitation had to close.
To conclude
Linking Words
, in my point of view,
tourism
Use synonyms
 is a perfect way to explore
natural
Correct article usage
the natural
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beaty
Correct your spelling
beauty
 of a
place
Use synonyms
, the hospitality of
people
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 and foster the economic and social aspects. But,
besides
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that
Add a comma
that,
show examples
 it is important to manage other income sources to avoid economic dependence
from
Change preposition
on
show examples
 just one activity.

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coherence cohesion
Establish a clearer and more cohesive structure that logically connects your ideas. The essay currently seems to have a loose structure; ensure that each paragraph clearly presents one main idea with appropriate supporting details.
coherence cohesion
Introduction and conclusion were present, however, make them more impactful by providing a clearer thesis statement in the introduction and a more direct summary of the main points in the conclusion. This would strengthen your essay structure.
coherence cohesion
Provide more developed examples to support your main points. The use of personal examples was good, but they need to be more detailed and explicitly connected to your argument to be effective.
task achievement
Ensure a complete response by fully addressing all parts of the prompt; in this case, you need to provide a more extensive analysis of the advantages and disadvantages of tourism. Make this evident throughout the essay rather than just stating them briefly.
task achievement
Develop your ideas more comprehensively. While you touched on relevant points, expanding on these would illustrate a deeper understanding of the topic. Explain the impact and implications of each advantage or disadvantage to enhance clarity and depth of your analysis.
task achievement
Incorporate more specific examples to support your claims about tourism. Include statistics, case studies, or historical comparisons when possible to demonstrate a wider knowledge of the subject.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • sustainable tourism
  • ecotourism
  • heritage sites
  • hospitality industry
  • tourist influx
  • cultural commodification
  • ecological footprint
  • economic diversification
  • carrying capacity
  • cultural sensitivity
  • destination marketing
  • travel advisories
  • visitor management
  • impact assessment
  • tourism revenues
  • authentic experience
  • visitor satisfaction
  • conservation efforts
  • seasonal fluctuation
  • social sustainability
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