IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that visitors to other countries should follow local customs and behaviour. Others disagree and think that the host country should welcome cultural differences. Discuss both these views and give your own opionion.

#people #visitors #countries #customs #behaviour #host #country #differences #opionion
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It is advised by some
people
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 that
tourists
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 must obey the
culture
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 and behaviour practised locally in the
country
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 they are visiting.
However
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, a majority do not agree with
this
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 statement. They are of the understanding that cultural dissimilarities should be honoured by the host destination. I agree with the latter view.
This
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 essay will present both views with opinion and conclusion
at the end
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. On the one hand, the reason
people
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 believe a
country
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's
customs
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 and behaviour should be followed by
tourists
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 is that they are afraid of losing it. They feel foreign interference to their
culture
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 will disrupt it and the source of their
customs
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 will be lost in the long run.
For example
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, my uncle thinks that foreigners who come to
they
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them
show examples
 bring their own clothes and locals of
this
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country
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 are easily attracted to their clothing styles.
Thus
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,
fear
Correct article usage
the fear
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 of losing their
ethinicity
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ethnicity
 makes
people
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 think
tourists
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 should follow
local
Add an article
the local
show examples
culture
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.
On the other hand
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,
increase
Correct article usage
an increase
show examples
 in tourism makes some sections of the society think that cultural disparity should
by
Correct your spelling
be
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 welcomed by the host
country
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. More
tourists
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 will be attracted to the
country
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 if restrictions to practise their local
customs
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 are not mandated. To illustrate, Dubai is the most popular tourist
desitination
Correct your spelling
destination
destinations
 in the world as the local
people
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 there do not differentiate on
basis
Correct article usage
the basis
show examples
 of behaviour and
culture
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 rather they welcome them. In my opinion,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
honoring
Change the spelling
honouring
show examples
 cultural
dismilarities
Correct your spelling
dissimilarities
similarities
 by the host
country
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 not only
increases
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increase
show examples
 tourism but
also
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 gives
tourists
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 a sense of freedom in the
country
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. It can be concluded that
,
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apply
show examples
 fear of losing the identity of the local
culture
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 is a reason for
people
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 to think visitors should follow the system they practise and because of
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tourists
Change noun form
tourists'
tourist's
show examples
attaction
Correct your spelling
attraction
people
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 think differences in
customs
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 should be welcomed.
Submitted by grvkumarsingh1 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure clear paragraphing and use a variety of linking words and phrases to connect ideas cohesively. While the structure is generally good, including a more explicit topic sentence for each paragraph could enhance clarity.
task achievement
Work on developing each point with specific examples and explanations. More in-depth analysis with concrete details will strengthen your argument and substantiate your claims.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • foster mutual understanding
  • reverence
  • cultural clashes
  • peaceful coexistence
  • cultural immersion
  • authentic experience
  • cultural identity
  • enrich
  • pluralistic society
  • cultural exchange
  • tolerance
  • flexibility
  • international relations
  • global understanding
What to do next:
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