IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Tourism activities might influence cultural views from both the tourists and local citizens, whether it should be respected or whether it should be embeded with others. I personally think it is essential for both parties to show tolerance attitude towards each other differences.

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Tourism activities might influence cultural views from
both
Use synonyms
 the tourists and local citizens, whether it should be respected or whether it should be embedded with others. I personally think it is essential to show
Correct article usage
a tolerance
show examples
tolerance
Replace the word
tolerant
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 attitude towards each other differences as it can enrich the knowledge for
both
Use synonyms
 parties. Showing respect to local cultures might be detrimental for visitors since it can
heightened
Change the verb form
heighten
show examples
 their opportunity to learn those. Technically, when they
are showing
Wrong verb form
show
show examples
 appreciative signs to the natives regarding their
culture
Replace the word
cultural
show examples
 heterogeneity, it can encourage locals to
taught
Change the form of the verb
teach
show examples
 tourists about their heritages. Take the example from my
last
Linking Words
 visit to Bali, when I was showing some appreciation gestures toward Balinese dancers
such
Linking Words
 as clapping my hands.
As a result
Linking Words
, one of the
dancer
Change to a plural noun
dancers
show examples
 enthusiastically offered me a private lesson to do the dance movements when the show finished.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I think showing signs of appreciation
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
another traditions
Replace the adjective
another tradition
other traditions
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 must be embraced among visitors who travel overseas.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the acceptance of heterogeneity values potentially drives indigenous
community
Fix the agreement mistake
communities
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 to become adaptable. Certainly, acknowledging differences can
heightened
Change the verb form
heighten
show examples
 the likelihood of natives to understand each characteristic from every
civilizations
Change to a singular noun
civilization
show examples
, even if several values or habits
are
Verb problem
do
show examples
 not align with theirs. It can be seen from recent phenomena when Korean waves
already
Add a missing verb
are already
show examples
 received and valued among Indonesians because of their music delivery and style uniqueness, even though
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
some aspects,
such
Linking Words
 as wearing short clothes, might contradict with Indonesian lifestyle. From that statement, I personally think that
act
Wrong verb form
acting
show examples
 openly to receive cultural variations benefits people in the host country as well,
thus
Linking Words
 it is vital for
both
Use synonyms
 parties to be respectful toward each
others
Change to a singular noun
other
show examples
.
To conclude
Linking Words
, the advantages
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
 respecting each other's traditions might be helpful for
tourist
Fix the agreement mistake
tourists
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, since they
opportune
Replace the word
opportunity
show examples
 to learn culture from the natives and for the host country, as it can enrich the knowledge
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
 local individuals,
hence
Linking Words
both
Use synonyms
 parties should be able to tolerate each characteristic toward each
others
Change to a singular noun
other
show examples
.

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Introduction & Conclusion
Ensure that the introduction clearly states your position on the topic, and your conclusion effectively summarizes your arguments.
Paragraph Development
Work on developing each paragraph with a clear topic sentence, supporting details, and a concluding sentence that ties back to the main argument.
Linking & Transition
Make better use of linking phrases and transition words to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs, thereby enhancing the essay's coherence.
Complexity & Development
To achieve a higher band, aim to expand your ideas with a mix of complex sentences, ensuring that they are clear, well-explained, and fully developed.
Sentence Structure
Incorporate a wider variety of sentence structures to showcase your language proficiency and to make your writing more engaging.
Supporting Examples
Introduce relevant, specific examples to support your main points; make sure that these examples are detailed and directly support the argument you are making.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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