Some people move to other countries when they retire. Others think that it is better to retire in their home country. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples.

The issue of whether individuals should migrate to other
countries
for retirement or retire in their home
country
has sparked a lot of controversy. One
side
believes
people
should move to other
countries
for retirement because they say changing an environment can have a
positively
Change the adverb
positive
show examples
impact on the mind and they say foreign
countries
have better standards of living.
However
, the other
side
thinks that it is better to retire in their
countries
because they articulate that staying in a foreign
country
is very costly and there are usually social problems. I personally
side
with those
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
are against the idea of retiring in a foreign nation. Those
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
argue that moving to other
countries
when retiring is the best point out that it can help relax and refresh the mind. They say that it is obvious that when an individual changes an environment , it can help stimulate positive thinking and help individuals
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
learn many new things
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
and relax
for example
learning a new culture and the way
people
do their daily activities can help change the way you think.
Moreover
, they
also
articulate that foreign
countries
usually have better standards of living and better business opportunities. Individuals often move to richer
countries
that have low inflation rates, high business opportunities and quality health care.
For
instance
Add a comma
instance,
show examples
some
people
are attracted by low inflation rates and stable exchange rates in richer
countries
so
as a result
they can have higher profit returns by investing in these
countries
even though
this
is not always the case.
On the other
hand
Add a comma
hand,
show examples
those that contest that it's better for
people
to retire in their home
countries
argue that moving to a foreign
country
is very costly. They believe that retirement income cannot cover all the financial needs in a foreign
country
which include housing costs and healthcare
although
this
depends
with
Change preposition
on
show examples
the wealth of an individual.
In addition
, they articulate that moving to a foreign
country
has many social problems for illustration there will be a language barrier so it's very hard to make friends and communicate with citizens of that
country
often leading to depression and isolation.
Also
Add a comma
Also,
show examples
it's difficult to adjust to a new culture as
this
can take many years. I personally
side
with those that say moving to a foreign
country
has many
challengies
Correct your spelling
challenges
especially if you
dont
Correct your spelling
don't
have other family members staying in that
country
in particular
.
Although
you can have access to
high quality
Add a hyphen
high-quality
show examples
medical care , staying abroad can affect you mentally as you normally have difficulties making new friends and communicating with
evryone
Correct your spelling
everyone
. In
conlusion
Correct your spelling
conclusion
,
this
issue will remain a heated one, as both
side
Change to a plural noun
sides
show examples
have different reasons.
Submitted by karigaruvimbo on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that the essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. The introduction should present the topic and your thesis statement clearly. Each paragraph in the body should contain a main idea, supporting details, and a concluding sentence. The essay should end with a conclusion that summarizes the main points and restates your opinion.
coherence cohesion
Work on developing logical transitions between sentences and paragraphs. Use linking words effectively to guide the reader through your arguments. This will enhance the coherence of your essay.
task achievement
Expand your main points with relevant examples and details. Each argument should be well supported by specific evidence or examples. This will increase the persuasiveness of your essay.
task achievement
Strive for completeness in responding to the task. Make sure to discuss both views thoroughly and provide a clear opinion. Each viewpoint should be explored in equal depth to demonstrate a balanced and objective analysis before presenting your own standpoint.
task achievement
Refine the clarity and comprehensiveness of your ideas. Ensure each paragraph focuses on a single idea and is fully developed. This will help the reader understand and follow your arguments more easily.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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