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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The chart below gives information about the purpose of visits to five cities in the UK in 2013 Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparison where relevant.

The chart below gives information about the purpose of visits to five cities in the UK in 2013 Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparison where relevant.
#information #purpose #visits #five #cities #uk #summarise #features #comparison
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The given bar chart indicates the reasons
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 trips to five
citier
Correct your spelling
cities
 in the UK in 2013. As
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
observed in the graph, compared percentage of
visitors
Use synonyms
 in Birmingham, London,
Edinburgh
Use synonyms
,
Liverpool
Use synonyms
,
Manchester
Correct word choice
and Manchester
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. The main purpose for stopping was for holidays. The
city
Use synonyms
 most frequently visited by tourists for vacation was
Edinburgh
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 the least popular destination point was Birmingham.
Overall
Linking Words
,
according to
Linking Words
bar
Correct article usage
the bar
show examples
chart
Add a comma
chart,
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Liverpool
Use synonyms
 ranked the highest in
terms
Use synonyms
 of the
mumber
Correct your spelling
number
 of
people
Use synonyms
 visiting friends or relatives, which amounted to to approximately 28% of the total
visitors
Use synonyms
 to the
city
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. At the
sante
Correct your spelling
same
time
Add a comma
time,
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Liverpool
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 took third place in
terms
Use synonyms
 of arrivals of holiday tourists. More than 30%, of
people
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 came there for
this
Linking Words
 purpose.
Edinburgh
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 and London took first and second place in
terms
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 of the number of
people
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 being on vacation with 67% and 50% respectively.
However
Linking Words
, less than 20%
traveled
Change the spelling
travelled
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 to
Edinburgh
Use synonyms
 to
tisit
Correct your spelling
visit
 friends or relatives, which is the lowest indicator
for
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 reason among all five cities. It is evident that Birmingham topped the chart of business trips. Around 50% of the total
visitors
Use synonyms
 to the
city
Use synonyms
 were on a mission. It was followed by Manchester with half as many (32%) employees coming to the
city
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 for their work. A smallest
mumber ot
Correct your spelling
number of
 business
visitors
Use synonyms
 was in
Edinburgh
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,
wich
Correct your spelling
with
show examples
 only 10% of
people
Use synonyms
, which was almost five times less than the number of holidaymakers in
this
Linking Words
city
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.
Overall
Linking Words
, there was a dramatic gap between all purposes of attending
Edinburgh
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, except recreational
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
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, because in
terms
Use synonyms
 of the number of
visitors
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 for miscellaneous goals it
also
Linking Words
 took the lowest position with only 2% of
visitors
Use synonyms
.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, in
Use synonyms
Liverpool
Add a comma
Liverpool,
show examples
 almost 20% of tourists had a variety of visiting purposes.
Submitted by julykryuchkova on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "overall".
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words visitors, edinburgh, liverpool, city, terms, people with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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