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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The bar chart below describes some changes about the percentage of people were born in Australia and who were born outside Australia living in urban, rural and town between 1995 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart below describes some changes about the percentage of people were born in Australia and who were born outside Australia living in urban, rural and town between 1995 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
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The illustration below shows some variations of the percentage of
people
Use synonyms
 who were conceived in
Australia
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 and who were born in foreign countries staying in urban, rural and
towns
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betwwen
Correct your spelling
between
 1995 and 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
, in 1995 most
people
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 born in
Australia
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 were living in cities
while
Linking Words
 the least citizens born outside
Australia
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 were
stayin
Correct your spelling
staying
stayin'
 in
towns
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. In 2010,
Linking Words
moreover
Add a comma
moreover,
show examples
 many
people
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 both conceived in
Australia
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 and
outsite
Correct your spelling
outside
Astralia
Correct your spelling
Australia
 were having their
accomodation
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accommodation
 in Cities. Between 1995 and 2010, the number of
people
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 born outside
Australia
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 staying in cities was the same. Individuals born in
Australia
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staying
Wrong verb form
stayed
show examples
 in rural
areas
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 in 1995
where
Correct your spelling
were
show examples
 roughly 15% well over those in 2010 who were
also
Linking Words
 living in
ruaral
Correct your spelling
rural
areas
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. The number of
people
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 born in
Australia
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 staying in
towns
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 in 1995 was double that of those in 2010. Citizens born in
Correct your spelling
Australia
Autsralia
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Australia
 in 2010 staying in
towns
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 and rural
areas
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was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 the same
where as
Correct your spelling
whereas
show examples
Correct your spelling
those
thos
Correct your spelling
those
 that were born in
Australia
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 in the same year staying in rural
areas
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 were about 5% half of
people
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 living in
towns
Use synonyms

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words people, australia, towns, areas with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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