IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The bar chart below describes some changes about the percentage of people were born in Australia and who were born outside Australia living in urban, rural and town between 1995 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart below describes some changes about the percentage of people were born in Australia and who were born outside Australia living in urban, rural and town between 1995 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
#bar #changes #percentage #people #australia #town #summarise #information #features #comparisons
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The illustration below shows some variations of the percentage of
people
Use synonyms
 who were conceived in
Australia
Use synonyms
 and who were born in foreign countries staying in urban, rural and
towns
Use synonyms
betwwen
Correct your spelling
between
 1995 and 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
, in 1995 most
people
Use synonyms
 born in
Australia
Use synonyms
 were living in cities
while
Linking Words
 the least citizens born outside
Australia
Use synonyms
 were
stayin
Correct your spelling
staying
stayin'
 in
towns
Use synonyms
. In 2010,
Linking Words
moreover
Add a comma
moreover,
show examples
 many
people
Use synonyms
 both conceived in
Australia
Use synonyms
 and
outsite
Correct your spelling
outside
Astralia
Correct your spelling
Australia
 were having their
accomodation
Correct your spelling
accommodation
 in Cities. Between 1995 and 2010, the number of
people
Use synonyms
 born outside
Australia
Use synonyms
 staying in cities was the same. Individuals born in
Australia
Use synonyms
staying
Wrong verb form
stayed
show examples
 in rural
areas
Use synonyms
 in 1995
where
Correct your spelling
were
show examples
 roughly 15% well over those in 2010 who were
also
Linking Words
 living in
ruaral
Correct your spelling
rural
areas
Use synonyms
. The number of
people
Use synonyms
 born in
Australia
Use synonyms
 staying in
towns
Use synonyms
 in 1995 was double that of those in 2010. Citizens born in
Correct your spelling
Australia
Autsralia
Correct your spelling
Australia
 in 2010 staying in
towns
Use synonyms
 and rural
areas
Use synonyms
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 the same
where as
Correct your spelling
whereas
show examples
Correct your spelling
those
thos
Correct your spelling
those
 that were born in
Australia
Use synonyms
 in the same year staying in rural
areas
Use synonyms
 were about 5% half of
people
Use synonyms
 living in
towns
Use synonyms
Submitted by karigaruvimbo on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Introduction: The introduction is missing.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words people, australia, towns, areas with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: